Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy F*ckin New Year

I'm sitting here in my room on New Year's Eve getting ready to go out. My ipod has been on random... which maybe isn't the best idea since music has such a strong effect on my mood. I started thinking about all of the men who have hurt me in my life. I really must say I am so done with it. I'm done with hurting because someone else doesn't know how to love me or won't love me. I'm no longer going to beg to be loved. I'm going to love myself more than anyone every will... so I may as well work on that person. 

This year its all about me. I don't care how that sounds. I have thought of others most of my life. I'm not going to say that I'm perfect or the kindest or best person... but I think over all I've been less selfish than some. This mood I'm in has me feeling like finishing off this bottle of champagne and blowing off my boyfriend. That really isn't New Years happiness celebration of me... but I'm just not in the mood for it now. 

From the moment I started loving it has been one broken heart after another. I guess that is my fault for putting it out there so much but now I feel like my heart is so broken it will take so much tape and glue to fix it permanently. It is so broken that I don't think I'm good for anyone. I am ruined. Destroyed. Unable to love. I have a great boyfriend... we have issues like every relationship.... but he is overall great. I just feel so tired of having to explain everything... why don't men read minds? (I'm being sarcastic... kind of... but seriously. I'm tired! )

For the past couple of years I was starting to think that maybe I was ready to settle down and get married in the next five-ten years... but now I'm starting to rethink that. Men will always let me down. Men will always break my heart and no one knows how to love me. I'm tired of my issues with love. I'm tired of hurting because of another person. I never hurt myself. I'm tired. 

So really... Happy F*ckin New Year... seriously... its ok to drink that whole bottle of champagne. I'll see you at the gym in the morning. 

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'm in love

Hello love!!! I went in to the city on Saturday. I went to my favorite area.... the upper west side. :) The best part of my day was when I fell in love. I met a little bakery called Magnolia. I had one of these cupcakes... and I fell madly and truly in love. First of all they are so fucking cute that you can't help but fall for them... and they are so so yummy. Finally I have fallen in love with a rich man... cause damn these things are richhhhh! The second best part of the day was the drunk homeless man sitting in Strawberry Fields with a sign that read, "Hey I'll be honest... I just want to buy a beer". I almost gave him a dollar for making me laugh... but then he told me and everyone else to get out of dodge. So I kept my dollar for the subway. 

I had such a great weekend. Nothing major happened. I hung out at Pace University with John most Saturday night cause he had to run a volleyball tournament but Sunday we went to brunch and had a great time. Sunday afternoon I went and saw my friend Gus in The Tempest. It was a fun production in Nutley, NJ (Martha Stewart's hometown). It was a great evening with friends and loves. 

Life is finally starting to feel normal again and fall in to place. I'm so happy to be back here. 

I made an observation the other night while crying my eyes out to yet another episode of Grey's Anatomy. (Is it just me or is this season especially emotional?) It seems like these tv shows that we know and love are giving us the "happy ending" we all kinda need right now. I mean with the economy so shitty... people don't want to watch shows about lovers fighting or people not ending up with the one they love. So Meridith and Derek are happy now... and Pam and Jim are back together even though she failed her graphic design class in the city and even Betty is having some good luck. 

In other news the company that I'm working at is firing EVERYBODY! Its so scary. I hate just sitting there at my desk working while other people are being escorted out of the building. Everyone tells me not to worry... but I was the last person hired and I don't really feel secure there yet. The good thing is that I have a standing offer to work at Starbucks and lord knows how much I love my coffee. 

Thats it for now. I'm kind of an old lady and I want to go to bed. 

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I will survive!

At first I was afraid...I was petrified. But then last night...I told Reggie off. It felt so good. That bastard. He totally broke my heart and continued to talk to me as if nothing had happened!!! I didn't say much... but I'm so done with that shit! I felt so much better. Now that chapter is closed. He is soooooo not worth it. It is very strange/upsetting to have this realization after falling so completely in love with him only months ago. But my heart is a strange strange bird. I have the resilience of a mt. lion. So bring on the men.... seriously. Bring on the next victim. I'm ready for new love! Good bye Reggie Hobbs. GOOD BYE forever. 

Saturday, November 8, 2008

When Jessica Met John

Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally? If not... then you should watch it immediately. It is one of my all time favorite movies. I know you hate Meg Ryan (Shannon, Heidi, Doug.. and possibly others of you) but this movie is so sweet and classic. Its a true romance story for our modern day. Almost every time I watch it I realize that my story with John has been similar to the movie. 

Although.... when we first met we liked each other, but I moved back to Utah. Well all those years that I spent in Utah John kept in touch with me. At first when I moved back he would just message me on yahoo occasionally. Then it progressed to several text messages a day. I let him take the lead on everything. I never called him and occasionally he would call me. That progressed to weekly calls... then daily. Then came all sorts of men in my life. BAD BAD BAD men! I dated some of the meanest meanies in the world. I'm really good at finding them. All through this John and I stayed in touch. He slowly became one of my best friends. We would spend several hours a night talking about all sorts of things. 

Then the fates turned and John and I were able to meet up in San Diego for July 4, 2007. We had a wonderful time. I really enjoyed being with him. John has always pushed me to believe in myself and to not give up on my dreams. By August I was sure that I was in love with John. I was driving down the street one day and it hit me. I was in love with him. Well it didn't take long for the distance between John and I to create some real problems. By February 2008 John was dating someone else. Well that didn't last long. She broke his heart... it was good for him though, so I didn't feel too bad. 

In May I met a wonderful man. I thought he was the love of my life. I'd never hit if off with someone so completely. Everything seemed so great. As most of my relationships it went to hell. Fast forward to October. I moved to New Jersey. Upon moving to Jersey I had a plane ticket to Charleston to visit Reggie. A few days of being here... I soon decided that I didn't want to go to Charleston. John encouraged me to go. He has been so supportive of all of my relationships (even though the whole time he was in love with me). I even cried about Reggie in John's arms. 

Well here I am today. John and I have been seeing each other. He's a great guy. He doesn't have a lot of experience in relationships... so I have to be patient with him and teach him. Impressively he is quite open to change. I don't know for sure what will happen with this.... as I never know. But I did mention to John my usual 3 month track record with men... he insured me that he won't be going anywhere anytime soon. 

I'm sitting here now watching When Harry Met Sally. It reminds me of me and John a lot. I kinda like him. I'll keep you posted. 

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Where everybody knows your name....


I am still basking in the after light of Barack Obama's historical victory. This is a great time for our country and I am so completely happy. I have even more hope now than I had when he announced his candidacy. I feel like this country is ready to be a positive change in the world. I have been so saddened by the lack of foreign policy in the past eight years. I often credit George W. Bush in inspiring me to become a diplomat. (because of his lack of dipomacy) 

I drove to Seton Hall yesterday where I will begin grad school in Sept 2009. I am so excited! As I drove on to campus I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was in the right place, doing the right thing. Life is not always easy... in fact I feel like I've had some very trying times in the past couple of years. But it finally seems like all of those things I've been working on have paid off. Things in my personal and professional life are really starting to feel right and good. I'll be sure and keep you posted. 

In other news.... I am very scared that ABC is going to cancel one of my favorite shows, Pushing Daisies (pictured above). If you haven't seen it...please watch it! It is absolutely adorable. It is about a Pie maker who can bring people back from the dead (but only momentarily without killing something else) Also, Kristin Chenoweth is in it. So please please watch it! 

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A heart full of love!

Thank you America. In the words of NAS...."America surprise us...let a black man guide us"! This is about us. This is about what we as Americans can do if we come together. I am so happy. I feel so much love. We have so much work to do now. It is time to roll up our sleeves and get going! 

Help!

Ok...I'm in serious need of those little blue pills that men pop in order to feel numb. How on earth do they do it? I can't love someone one minute...and then feel nothing for them the next minute. So I'm convinced there must be some kind of little blue pill. If anyone knows where I can get one, please let a girl know! 

In other news: I got a job. Well currently I actually have 3. Gonna have to quit one of those...just keeping my options open! :) 

P.S. Will almost definitely be in NYC for Christmas... 

Its Election Day Hooray!!!!

Seriously....not much time to blog. I have to make sure you all vote today. If you sit here and read my blog...you won't have time to vote. So I"ll save my post for later tonight! GET OUT AND VOTE! If you're undecided vote for OBAMA. If you have already made your thoughtful decision....great. Vote your conscious. GO OBAMA!!!!!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I'll be home for Christmas...or maybe not

So I just realized that its November...so I should start planning my trip home for Christmas. I looked at flights on Delta and they are about $800!!!! I can't believe it. I have a $300 credit on Delta thanks to a flight to Charleston that was canceled. But still...I think its outrageous to pay $800 to fly home. I am sad, but seriously who has that kind of money to spend on flying home for 3-4 days? I don't! My other thought is that my brother and his wife are having a baby in May and damn...my youngest sister is probably getting married around then-so maybe I'll just wait to go home then. 

But I miss my Abbey! I was planning on going home in December to get her. This is the worst news ever. Also....I don't have any family out here. I mean I have some great friends. I live with one my dear friends and her family... so its not like I'm completely alone. It will just be my first Christmas away. Just when I leave home my family actually starts doing some interesting things. I'm missing the whole pregnancy and watching my sister in law balloon up. I'm missing Heather's impending engagement. And the boy I loved broke my heart. (I only mention it because I dreamt of him all night.) 

But here I am living my adventure. I just have to keep focused on my goals...because I'm about to start two jobs in retail. haha I got hired at the Body Shop for seasonal work. They only can promise me 10-16 hours a week. Since I can't even support my phone habits with that job...I will be getting another one. I had an interview at Restoration Hardware yesterday and it went really well. I will have the second interview this week and so I'll let you know how it goes. The guy that interviewed me was so cute! I didn't see a ring...but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. 

Big sigh. When did it get so expensive to fly home, drive across the city and buy a Starbucks? I can't wait for Obama to be President and change things. 

Lots of love on a Sunday morning. I hope you enjoyed that extra hour of sleep I gave you. 

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Clarification....


Good morning loves. So last night's post was kind of a joke. I also can not think of anything worse than being a housewife in the 50's. I love my modern life as a woman. But I will say that there is something to be said for tradition. If men would be more like the gentlemen of old (i.e. Carey Grant) then I'd be happy to make them a pot roast occasionally. haha 

So I've got some interviews set up for tomorrow and I'm going to meet with a woman at Seton Hall who is helping me to get set up there. I'll be starting school at William Patterson in January and then at Seton Hall in September. I kind of think I'm crazy...but here goes nothing. Its so crazy to think that I'm actually going to go to grad school. If you would have told me two years ago that I'd be doing that I would have laughed in your face. But life is funny. I'm really looking forward to a new challenge and lord knows how much I love change. 




Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Proper care and feeding of husbands

So I've been reading this really great book lately and I really feel like its sinking in. So tonight I'm making a roast beef feast.... I'm doing my hair and dressing in the cutest little thing I can find. I just hope that when my husband gets home from his long hard day I can give him the best massage and melt all of his worries away. 

HAHAHAH ok....so as you know I am not married. But I was thinking about what it would have been like to be a housewife in the 50's. Because today for some reason I sure felt like one. 

something good

So last night Jersey Johnny and I had a long talk. We have known each other for a long time and we have had many different feelings for each other. I'm not sure exactly what was accomplished in the end of our talk, but I felt a lot better. 

Part of me just still wants that sexy black man that used to love me. I guess I'll just get my shit together... and go from there. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Blustery Day

Good Morning! I had a nice evening at home last night. I cuddled up with the dogs and watched Sleep Hollow. I love Johnny Depp! It was the perfect end to my day to watch this great scary movie. 

Yesterday I decided I was going to go on a little drive. My mistake was that I tried to take a short cut that John showed me. I didn't turn off of it when I was supposed too and I ended up somewhere I didn't plan on being. But eventually I found my way and ended up going to West Point. I didn't see any cute military men.... but I'm sure I can find some later. ehehe 

After driving to West Point I decided that I really wanted to go to the cemetery in Sleepy Hollow to see where Washington Irving was burried. So I drove to Sleep Hollow and went to the cemetery. It was kinda cool because I basically drove right to his grave site without any problems. It was just as creepy as I thought it would be and then I drove by the Headless Horseman Bridge. I am so in love with the little town of Sleepy Hollow. I would actually love to live there. It is right along the Hudson River...but its far enough away from Manhatten that it isn't as gross as it is near the city. 

Still looking for jobs. MJ found me a temp job with her company. I'm going to take it because I need to work.... I am going nuts! 

Hopefully I can get everything going and get hired on for a full time position. Well I'm off to face the rain and wind. 

Monday, October 27, 2008

What a great weekend! made possible by NYC




I had such a great weekend! On Friday night I went in to the city with Emily and Danielle to a fundraiser for Project Whitehouse. Our friend Melissa works for the project and they were having a fundraiser to raise money in order to train women to take on leadership roles, specifically in the government. The function was at Marquis which is right next to Glass (Nicole always used to tell me to go to Glass, but I never made it there before. Now I know where it is! ). There was some free drinks and some free drama. All in all it was a fun night. I have to remember though that alcohol is a little bit stronger here than I'm used too...haha I seem to remember singing "I got 99 problems but a bitch aint one" really loudly. 

Saturday was even more fun! Em and I got up early (despite my massive hang over) and went in to the city with her mom, MJ. They were going to see Wicked and I was going to go to The Met. Well MJ has a friend who is in Wicked and he invited all three of us on a backstage tour. It was so much fun! I thought of Heidi the whole time because I know that she would have enjoyed it as much as I did. We met the whole cast and all the dressers and stage crew. It was so fun to see the behind the scenes. It made me miss my theatre days a little. So after seeing all of that...there was no way that I could leave and go to the Met! So after we found a little man who was able to "hustle" me up a ticket...I was able to see the show. It was AWESOME! I laughed, I cried...it was great. Probably one of my favorite shows. 

Sunday night was also great! As most of you know....I love Sleepy Hollow. I am obsessed with Hudson Valley. I don't know why but it is so magical to me. There is just something about it. I convinced John in to taking me to this Legend of Sleepy Hollow thing they have. When we got there we had to walk down this dimly lit path in to the Legend Festival. It was surrounded by trees and a little pond. When we got to the beginning there was a man dressed in clothing from 1600's. He was telling the story of Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman. It was so fun to listen to the story by this big bonfire. After the story we turned the corner and were met by none other than the Headless Horseman! It was sooooo cool. I love this kinda shit. haha Then we walked the rest of the grounds and saw haunted trees and ghost puppets. It was such a good time. I can't wait to go back next year and see even more. 

After we got back to my house John kissed me. On the way to Sleepy Hollow he grabbed my hand in the car and I had to fight back my tears. I know why I cried... and I know why it just didn't seem right that he was kissing me, but I didn't stop him. I don't know if it will feel right to have anyone else kiss me for a while. 

I had a great weekend... but now here I am on a Monday morning trying to make sense of it all. 

Friday, October 24, 2008

Kate Spade

The only conceivable cure I know for a broken heart is....beautiful, red, italian leather. Thank god I have an occasion to wear my new Kate Spade beauties. I love them so much I want to sleep with them. Seriously....I don't need some sexy black man. I have my sexy red shoes. 

Speaking of broken hearts... mine sure is.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Oh What a Day

Ok...so its no secret. I'm in love with Ingrid Michaelson. She just happens to be exactly what I need right now as I'm going through a tough time with my heart. This morning while getting ready I was listening to "Oh What a Day", one line stuck out to me, "Oh what a day is today, nothing can stand in my way. Now that you've shipped out from under my skin, I think I'm ready to win." I'm tired of feeling like I've lost everything. So today...I'm ready to win. 

I applied at a bunch of places yesterday. I actually really want to get a job at Whole Foods. There are many reasons why I think it would be a good job for me. But the major reason is because I will be able to get insurance! So cross your fingers. My parents kept harassing me to get a "real job" because I have my degree. Well its all fine and good to get a real job...accept for the fact that the job I want is to be a diplomat...and I want to go finish Grad school before I even attempt the big nasty test I have to take to become a diplomat. Well yesterday my dad had a break through...on his own. He called and said...oh Jess you know I was thinking....if you were to get a "real job" (i.e. with the state department) you may not be able to focus on school. WOW! Something I've been trying to get them to understand for the past 5 months. Insane. Well I'm glad they finally get it. Now that I'm not dating that sexy black man (still not really ready to write about it)...my parents will probably call and tell me they are sold on the idea. EH! 

In other news.... I am so happy to be back on the east coast. I miss my friends back home so much-but this is where I'm supposed to be. I love everything about being here and so does my skin! Cross your fingers that I can find a job soon though....I'm sooooo bored and I want to meet some new people. 

Also.... I am so horny right now. I think its the weather and probably because I haven't gotten any in a while... but I am looking for some lovin. I'll keep you posted. A quick fling should help me sufficiently flush the memory of the best thing that ever happened to me out of my mind and heart. 

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I just want to be OK

Well its been a while since I've had time or access to catch everyone up on my day to day life. The biggest news is that I'm in Jersey! Finally. It was so weird to be back at first, but now it seems so normal. I bought myself a MAC yesterday...and I love it! I've never had one before so it took me a few minutes to get used to it, but I really like it. 

My first business is to find a job. I haven't worked in like 3 weeks...and its really getting old. I know some people would love to have that time to relax, but the past 3 weeks haven't all been fun and games. A lot of things have happened lately...some of which I'm not ready to talk about. Some things have been great. I went to Disneyland with my family before I moved east and that was really nice. Then our economy went to shit and it took almost a week and a half longer to close on my house than I had originally planned on. Luckily though...the house sold and its all closed. It was the weirdest feeling to leave my home and know it was for the last time. I had made some good memories there and in a way I'll miss it. But as I've said before, I knew it was time to leave. 

I've been in to the city a few times since I've been back and its been nice. I can't describe it but it feels like I've come home...kind of. 

Some things that I didn't want to change have changed and I'm dealing with them the best that I can. Someday I'll think about writing about it, but not yet. Its too raw right now and I can't deal with it.  

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

ciao ciao ciao

Wow...here it is! It is my last working day in Utah. I was seriously beginning to think that this day would never come. But here it is! In a few short hours I'll be on my way to Disneyland. I'm really proud of my family...they are doing something very spontaneous. About 3 weeks ago we were having a nice Sunday dinner at my parent's home. Usually Sunday dinners consist of political debates which have been known to send me home feeling somewhat irate, but this particular Sunday there were no such instances. They were discussing a vacation that they wanted to take in March to Disneyland, I knew that I wouldn't be able to go in March and threw out the idea of going in September. By some miracle I was able to talk them in to going on a semi-last minute trip! So today we leave for Disneyland! When I come back I sign the closing papers on my condo...and I'm freeee!

It seems crazy to think that I've owned my place for over two years now....its even crazier to think that soon I will not be paying a mortgage. Its a nice feeling actually-I've been stressed financially beyond belief. Its funny though how life always finds a way of working itself out. I can't even count how many times I was stressed about paying all of my bills...and yet somehow it always worked out.

I'm really going to miss my co-workers, they have been so much fun! I've really enjoyed the people I've met and the connections I've made. There are so many fun memories but I know its time to move on. I've worked in the hotel industry most of my adult life and it is definitely time for me to go in a different direction!

Monday, September 22, 2008

icecream

for dinner...its all i want.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Faith in Barack Obama and Faith in me

Look....I am not one to push my political agenda on anyone. I will state my beliefs and I'm happy to discuss and even debate with those who have a different view point from me. I even dated a Republican once. haha I just feel so strongly these days about different "issues" that are being thrown around that I really should say something. I want to tell you why I support Barack Obama for the next President of the United States. Feel free to agree or disagree. I think I'm diplomatic enough to understand other points of view and even consider them.

First let me start by saying that this is not a decision that I have taken lightly. As an American I feel a duty to the future generations and every other country in the world to carefully consider my choice for President. It is not egotism that makes me say this. It is just a fact. The President of the United States is one of the most important and influential people in the whole world. With this great position there comes great responsibility. We are now in a situation in the world where we can stand idly by and continue to rely on other nations for our fuel sources (nations who by the way don't really like us) or where we can solve this problem on our own. Obama wants to put together a force to solve this problem in which we will be self sufficient within ten years. We have an opportunity to be a leader in the world for solving the environmental issues that will effect the WORLD or we can watch more and more glaciers melt and sit back and wait for the end as we continue to pollute.

There are many bad people in this world but there are also many good. We started something in the Middle East, and we have to finish it. But we need to do it responsibly and we need to let the people in Iraq make their own way. We are a great nation, we fought for our independence from England and we won. We made our Constitution we made our own laws and we didn't have much help from anyone. We have done many good things in Iraq, as well as some bad things, but it is time for us to bring our soldiers home. Of course we will have a presence there for many years to come. We are in the process of training Iraqi's to police their streets and to protect their country. I have heard some amazing stories from men and women who have served over there. I know that the media has not always told everything that is happening in the correct light but I strongly feel it is time for us to get out...responsibly.

I also seem to have a soft spot in my heart for diplomacy. (Weird I know) I believe its time that we practice a more diplomatic foreign policy. I think we need to work with other world leaders. We need to show that we are strong and humble. We owe it to ourselves to put past issues behind us and begin a new path. Its time for us to stop the double standards that we have practiced for years.

I am concerned that our country has gone down hill since we started putting so much focus and money in to Iraq. Our economy is in shambles and many families are not making it. I feel so blessed to be an American. I know that my life is a dream for most people in the world. This is knowledge that I do not take for granted. But I am saddened that people in this country who are paying taxes and struggling to make it have to choose between buying gas and paying for health insurance for their children. I do not think socialized medicine is the answer (Neither does Barack). But I do believe that all children in this country should have health insurance and I do believe that premiums and health care should be more affordable. For most of my adult life I have not had insurance. I've been lucky...no health problems yet (knock on wood) but there are things I should have checked out but with no health insurance I can't even begin to think of paying for it.

I'm tired of politicians pointing fingers and placing the blame, it is OUR problem America. We elected them. We don't watch them. We don't call, we don't write. We have got to stop being so apathetic. WAKE the FUCK up! If you elect an official, watch what they do. If there is an issue you care about-write a letter. Get involved. We have so many wonderful people in this country that I truly think if we all just got a little more involved we could begin to heal the hearts of those suffering. I am not saying that I've done as much as I can. I've written a few letters but I haven't gotten around to volunteering in a long time.

Anyway...to my point: I believe in Barack Obama. This man is truly a gift. He is our chance to make some real change in Washington. He will work with both parties to make the best America possibly. He inspires me to believe in change. He gives me a brighter outlook. He has great plans for this country. Read his website if you're interested to hear about those plans. You don't have to vote for Obama just because I am. But I beg of you to please study both candidates and really consider your decision, for it is not just the fate of our nation, but the fate of the world in your hands.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

wowzer....

so...they want to close on my house next week...before i go to disneyland. WOW! HELP! I have to pack up my whole life.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Today I am a woman...and a DEMOCRAT!

This is the best election year that I can remember. I am so proud to be a democrat. I am proud of how far we have come and I am proud of who we have chosen to be our candidate. When I saw Barack Obama speak four years ago at the DNC, I knew he would one day be our President. For the last eight years I have stood by feeling helpless to make any kind of change to our current situation. But Barack Obama has given me hope. He has given me courage. He has proven that he can lead the people in this country that want a change. He has organized us together so that we can have a say. We no longer need to feel helpless. The government is listening. It is time for the citizens of the United States of America to stand up and take our country back! It is not the government's job to raise our children. It is not the government's job to hold together our families. It is not the government's job to tell me what I can and can't do with my body! It is time we end this war in Iraq, it is time we solved this energy crisis, it is time for us to take care of our planet! It is time for us to heal old wounds and take care of the health of the children of this great nation.

I am so proud to be from a country where I as a woman can vote. I can attend school (and read good books!) and I can pursue all of the dreams that I may have. Because of these great privileges I feel a great responsibility.

Sarah Palin: I haven't spoken up about this because I've been letting it marinate. I am now so upset that I can't keep quiet any longer.Some women in this country are "thrilled" with the choice of Sarah Palin as VP for the Republican ticket. I am less than "thrilled". I feel that McCain's choice is a slap in the face to women who have worked so hard to eliminate sexism and have fought so hard for equality. I can stand up and say that as a woman she does not represent me in the least. How can a woman be so narrow minded that even in the cases of rape or incest she would deny a woman an abortion????? I find it so difficult to understand how anyone could be in support of her. She cares nothing about the environment and understands nothing of foreign policy and diplomacy. In these crazy times we need a leader who can lead our country out of the mess it is in. Considering McCain's health...it is a very scary possibility that if he is elected Palin could lead this country.

One day we will have a female president, but when we do I want her to be educated, experienced and understanding. Not uneducated, inexperienced and closed minded with a pretty face! Good Lord people!!! Get educated on the issues! Obama will save most of us money! Obama will provide health care to children! Obama will end the war in Iraq as soon as possible and Obama will help lead the CHANGE that this country so desperately needs!

Thoughts from a park bench....

We are all a mess. All of us are looking for that "one" thing that won't let us down. That "one" job that will challenge and engage us. That "one" place that will give us what we need, and of course, that "one" relationship that will change who we are forever. Humans don't want to be alone. We need to feel loved, needed, cherished and adored. the thing is, none of us can even begin to know where to look. that perfect job will just fall in to your lap if you work hard. That place will find you when you are ready. But love. Love is different. Love finds us, yet we run away. Love leaves us and we want it back. Love shows us who we are. And if we listen, love will show us everything in our hearts.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there...

Today is September 11th. This day brings many emotions for me. I will never forget that day seven years ago. Although looking back it was pretty normal. I was in Utah. I didn't look out my window and see pieces of the twin towers falling. I didn't lose someone I loved on that day, but I was affected. On that day I decided that I would become a diplomat. I saw that there were so many problems in the world and I wanted to try and help.

Today all I kept thinking was about that day 7 years ago. When the towers fell I didn't regret the pair of shoes I'd been drooling over...I didn't wish for more time with that cute guy I'd crushed on. All I wanted was to be with the people that I loved. And today my only thought was very similar. I longed to be with the people I love, especially one in particular that has serves our country every day. But the main thing on my mind today is that on September 11th is that we are all Americans. On this day we are not democrats or republicans...we are not white or black...we are simply Americans. And that I think is beautiful.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

When Harry met Sally...I was asleep

I was so tired last night. After a long night at work I came home to another mean note from my neighbor...and a beer. After reading the note...I downed the beer and quickly fell asleep on the couch. Boo for mean passive aggressive neighbors. They are lame. Yay for 3 people wanting to buy my house...and more calling today. It must be time for me to finally go!

I knew there were some issues with Utah that I needed to clear up before it would let me leave. And thankfully I think those are all cleared up. On Saturday night at the Greek Festival (slightly drunk off my ass) I happened to see the last asshole I dated. The funny thing is...I saw him like 3 months ago at the Farmer's Market and I couldn't run fast enough to get away from him. But on Saturday night when I saw him...I began to laugh. I laughed so hard that I cried. Meridith asked me what was so funny...and all I could say was, "that man is an asshole"...hahaha! It occured to me then and there that I am finally over him. Like I've forgiven him. I've been "over" him for a while....but the things he did to me were so bad...it took some time to heal.

And now I'm ready to go back to Jersey. With any luck the Mets will make the play offs and I'll be able to see them play at Shea stadium. There are so many shows I've been dying to see and so many other New York places that I've missed! I can't wait to have a bagel, walk through central Park, drive to Hudson Valley, walk down Broadway and I can't wait to see all of my fabulous friends that I haven't seen in 3 years! I love New York in the fall!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

And so it goes...

Its happening....the offers are starting to pour in on my house. This all tells me that it is absolutely time for me to go. FINALLY! Thank you Jesus. Thank you !

Friday, September 5, 2008

Good Day Sunshine!

Dear Universe- Thank you!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful for many things. Today when my alarm went off at 5 am I was tempted to turn it off completely...but I decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get up and go to work. On my way to work I got a wake up call from a comforting familiar voice and that made all the difference to my morning.

It is absolutely beautiful out. I love these end of summer mornings where its cold enough to need a light jacket...but a cup of coffee can quickly warm you up. Based upon the fact that I think I'll be leaving this place pretty soon...I'm going to make the most of my last Utah mornings. I love seeing the mountains, they are absolutely gorgeous and I love watching the city change colors from green to gold. I also love my friends. I've got some really great friends who are always there for me. I'm really going to miss them and I am especially going to miss my little sisters. I've done such a good job raising them. It will be hard for me to not be near them...but it is time for me to go in pursuit of my dreams.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I've got a great weekend planned starting with a nice long walk when I get off work and then dinner and a movie with the girls and tomorrow Farmer's Market and Greek Festival!!! If only I had one more thing my weekend would be perfect. But he is in South Carolina trying to stay dry from the hurricanes. La Vita E Bella!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

things that make me go hmmmm

why is that when one thing goes well in your life...other things don't go well? just a question.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Today is really Awesome....really!

I got an offer on my house. :) A real legitimate one in writing..and its a good offer. In my mind I'm already gone.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Realizations

Life is good. I've realized a lot of things in the last twenty four hours and its been very good for me. Life is not a speed race...its a a slow journey. There is always time to take a step back and slow down. Recently I met someone that has been very good for me. It is the most mature and adult relationship that I have ever been in.

We both have baggage...and we both have things we need to work out. It is so nice to have someone in my life that reminds me of this. He is supportive and allows me space and time to figure things out on my own. I have to give him a little space and time right now. He is dealing with a lot of crap...crap that has nothing to do with me.

Sometimes I get scared. I get scared of the things in my past and sometimes the fears of my past make me scared for my future. But I have to listen to my dear friend Julie who told me that I have to let go of my past in order to open the new doors in my future.

I have no idea what to do in my life. I'm not where I thought I would be...I'm not doing what I thought I would be doing...and I'm not even dating who I thought I would be dating. Life has completely turned upside down. Its not a bad thing...and I'm trying to make the most of it, but sometimes I get a little frustrated and a little down. Just trying to deal with things.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

How to Recognize a Good Guy when you see him

This is from an old issue of O Magazine :

You want a man who can make you laugh when you're down and who laughs with you when you're up, a man who listens and asks questions and responds.

A man who rubs your feet to put you to sleep and who goes out for the café mochas when you have to stay up and who knows that on those working all-nighters the answer to any question involving whip cream is always yes.

You want a man who will wash your hair, who'll cook you dinner, who'll talk to your Father on the phone when you can't bear to, who'll read to you on trips, and who's happy when you read (or sing or dance) for him.

You want a man who when he finds out that there are $199 fares to Kona suggests you go with your best girlfriend while he stays home and takes care of your dog. You want a man who will drive that same dog around all night when he is hallucinating and howling after the vet gave him too much post surgical morphine, because you are up for a promotion and have an interview with the dean at 8 a.m.

You want a man who loves many things: his work, his landscape, a sports team,
and his friends.

You want a man who knows that love is not a pie, that sex is not a sport, that faith
(in the world, in each other) is a little like a full-time job.

You want a man who knows that women have a secret, and even though he can't know what it is, he is smart enough to want to live in its light.

Most important, you want a man who can continue to surprise you, for a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, which is to say a man who has a big imagination, and who is willing to use it to win your heart. -P.H.

awesome

this is the most awesome day of my life.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Whatever You like

Can someone please come in to my life with loads of money and tell me that I can have whatever I like? Reggie and I play this mafia game on Facebook...today Reggie had so much money he said he would buy me a new car. haha If only!!! Why can't any of the money made in games be real money? Just a thought.

So tonight Allison and I went to the James Blunt/Sheryl Crow concert. It was so fun. I drank so much beer. I will have no problem falling into a deep deep sleep in just a few minutes. So I'm still here in Salt Lake. As August nears to a close...I feel weird.

I'm still breathing....I'm still working and I'm still living in Salt Lake. It isn't at all what I expected. But hey...life isn't always what you think it will be. I just don't know what to do until life starts being more like I planned it to be. I guess I need to make the most of it. Doug tells me to enjoy my time here...and really...I'm trying. I absolutely love my friends. I've had so much fun this summer with them. But its time for me to move on.

1. I have to quit my job. I love the people I work with...but I don't make enough money...and its killing me a little.

2. I have to figure out what to do about school. Where should I go to Grad school? Or should I still go?

3. I have to learn how to not be crazy. This will be the hardest of all. But really...I'm working on it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

it don't matter if you're black or white....or does it?

I was raised to think it didn't matter. My parents always taught me to love everyone. So it made me a little sad that my recent news got a bad reaction from my parents. Just a little background...I am very private. Private when it comes to my dating life and my parents. I learned at an early age how critical they could be of those I was dating...so I basically had a rule that until I knew how I felt about someone...I wasn't going to tell my parents about him. So fast forward....met someone great. Decided to tell my parents about him.

Well lets just say that he isn't exactly the race or religion that they would like him to be. It was a huge fiasco...until I played one of his voice mails for my parents. After listening to Reggie sing me like 6 Christmas songs...they completely understood why I like him. He's a dork...just like me. I sure don't know what will happen with this relationship...but I'm really enjoying it. No one has made me happier. He is kind, he appreciates me and he understands me.

I just wish that for once my parents would be happy that I'm happy. They have moved past the race thing...sorta....but they have other issues with him...and with me for that matter. Oh well. I am happy and aint nothin gonna get me down.

Friday, August 15, 2008

i think i'm ready...thank you Katy Pery

I Think I'm Ready (Katy Pery)

I'm used to opening my own doors
and splittin' the checkshe introduced me was always just the friend
i bought a new dress he never noticed

Always fallen for these bad boys such a challenge
I'm getting tired of cleaning up after them
i think im ready to be a woman
oh love i think im readyready for it

You were such a suprise an unexpected gift
said i was prettyand i believed it
not really used to all this attention
told myself i don't deserve you
and this is just a phase
could i get used tobeing loved the right way

i wanna argue but there is nothing to say
oh love i think im ready, ready for it(i think im ready)ready for it
oh love i think im ready

Cuz you send me flowers when theres no occasion
yeah, we talk for hours you still want to listen
wont hold it against me
if i just need you to hold me tonight

My mother always told me that you'd show up one day
so scared to feel this way
but love i think im ready,ready for it (ready for it)
ooooo love i think im ready,ready for it (ready for it)
oh love i think im ready

Sunday, August 10, 2008

In the Sprintime of his voodoo...and other confessions

I am ridiculously happy...like talk to strangers and tell jokes to little kids happy! I think this is what it must feel like to be in love. About a month ago I was talking to Reggie and I felt this weird swell in my heart. Its a little overwhelming but I am containing the happiness. Life is truly good. I feel so blessed. Its like after all of those horrible...horrible past relationships I have finally found a guy who will treat me the way I deserve. Last weekend he knew I was having a particularly rough day...and he made up tree jokes to tell me. (If you know me...you know how much I love a good tree joke). I told him the other day that I've never been so happy...his response..."good! you deserve it!". I sure do love me some chocolate milk! Shout out to Heidi and Allison.

Although I still haven't sold my condo...I am looking on the bright side of life. There are some people in my life that think that I can only be happy on their terms...and boy are they wrong. I found a "self help" book that I was reading several years ago when I was trying to be happy on "their terms". As I flipped through the pages and read the notes I had written, I realized how sad I was back then. I think the two most important things in life are 1. to be true to yourself and 2. to find a person that loves the you that you love. (thank you Carrie Bradshaw). I'm thinking that maybe I should write a book.

Ok...so my confession....I've been following one of my friends by reading his blog on a weekly basis. I really love this friend and thought he hated me. I have loved hearing about all of the fun he is having in New York and all of the funny things he has to say. Well today as I was catching up with his week...I glanced to the right and saw a link to my blog. It was under a label "blogs I read". I can't tell you how happy this little thing made me.

Monday, July 28, 2008

counting chickens

appearantly you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch.....still no offer. Frustrating!!! But, I really feel like I was supposed to be here a little longer. After all...if I would have left when I wanted too..I wouldn't have met Reggie. And he is the cat's meow.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Baseball, politics and babes

I love baseball. I have been a Mets fan now for a few years...and I'm happy to say that they are finally starting to pick it up this season. The Mets started out with an awful year...but are quickly moving their way up to the top of the standings. I'm hoping that I'll make it to New Jersey in time to catch them in action in Shea...because very very soon Shea will be a distant memory. I'm always sad about old landmarks closing, but its exciting to see the new Citi Field. I'm sure it will be very nice.
Politically I am very content at this point. I couldn't be happier with the democratic nominee! I love Barack Obama. The more I read about this man the stronger I feel that he needs to be our next President. Especially now that I have some strong feelings about this man in the Airforce...I feel even stronger that this war needs to end! He's been over to Iraq twice already! I don't want him to have to go again...but I feel like only Obama can help end this crap.
As far as babes go...I have found a huge babe. He is so babelicious I can't even begin to describe his babeness. I am pretty much the happiest that I have been in a really long time.

Friday, July 11, 2008

p.s....good news!!!

so i am expecting an offer on my house today....cross your fingers! :)

leaving las vegas....

I had a wonderful time in Las Vegas. I didn't want to leave...but in a few days the man I went to Vegas to see will be leaving Vegas for good anyway. He is moving to S. Carolina. I really like this guy. Like I like him A LOT! He is everything on my list. Its like someone read what I want in a man and then put him in my life. It makes me a little nervous...but I feel so good about this one. Sure, I've said that before...but this time it really feels different. I'm trying to proceed with caution...but I can't seem to take this silly grin off of my face. My life has completely flipped in the past month...and I'm so happy about it. The one thing that I am not happy about is the fact that I'm entering in to yet another long distance relationship. I don't know how I keep getting myself in to these situations. Oy Vay! But here goes nothing....so far he seems to be worth it...and at least New Jersey and S. Carolina are in the same time zone...and only about 8 hours apart.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Suspicious Minds....

So I got a very suspcious phone call yesterday from an Aunt that I never hear from. I didn't answer the phone when she called cause I didn't recognize the number...so I sent it to my voicemail. She just called to say that she loves me and that she is proud of me for graduating. (p.s. I graduated 2 months ago). I get suspicious when I get these kinds of calls because it makes me know that my dad has told her how worried he is about me. Which I don't really get. If your daughter just graduated and was planning on attending Grad School in the fall to become a diplomat....would you be worried about her? Or would you think...wow...I have a great kid? Sometimes I feel like the only thing that matters to my parents is the fact that I'm not married to a mormon guy with five kids and all that. But lets face it...I am me...and I am not that girl that they dreamt I would be. BIG SIGH! Tonight I am on my way to Vegas...I couldn't be more excited!!! I am going to see that Mr. Airforce...who has actually earned the right to a real name amongst my friends. :)

Thursday, July 3, 2008

by popular demand....

Ok...well I only had a request from one person to update my blog. But I really like that one person...so here I go. I'm sitting in one of my favorite locations in Salt Lake City listening to music and sipping on chai. I have had a lot of Ah Hah! moments lately. After years of putting up with a mediocre man...I think I may have hit the jackpot. I met this guy just a few months ago. He isn't from Salt Lake, nor does he live here. I know what you are thinking...smooth move dummy....way to find ANOTHER long distance relationship. Well I didn't plan on it really. Its strange because I wasn't looking to meet anyone. I was perfectly happy with the situation I was in....but then Reggie walked in to my life. Reggie is nothing like the guys I usually go for. As you know...I usually prefer my men foreign. haha Reggie is totally an American. He is in the Air force (another thing I vowed never to get involved in), he currently lives in Vegas but is moving to Charleston on the 15th. He is smart, funny, artistic, spontaneous, loves to travel and is so cool! Reggie is mature and thoughtful and so many things that past relationships have not been. Its kind of funny because both of us were at that place in life where we were content being single and we weren't looking for anything. I guess that's usually when it happens.

Anyway...I'm going to Vegas on Saturday to spend a few days with him before he moves. I'm so excited to be going to see him. We always have the best conversations and I plan on kicking his butt in bowling. I don't remember the last time I met a guy that made me feel like this. I will keep you posted...but for now things aren't looking so good for that guy from Jersey that some of you were pulling for. He just isn't a man...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

P.S.

I appologize for my language in previous post. Some things never change.

I'm not that girl...

Blah! I hate mornings. I have never been an early riser and I don't ever want to get in the habit of waking up before the sun. I just can't do it. Occasionally I can handle it...but it is not my preference. I'm just not that pleasant until about 9 am...or after a few cups of coffee and a New York Times. I'm not one of those people that has to have coffee to operate in the morning...I'm just much more pleasant if I have some. Life here in Utah is still grand as ever (sarcasm). I'm trying to be patient...but it isn't very easy. On a side note...I planned a trip to see one of the boys I mentioned in a previous post. I'll be going to Vegas on July 5-8th. I'm really excited. It will be the only vacation I'll be having until I get in my car and drive across the country. A side note to that cross country trip...I'm not sure if anyone is available...but I may need a driving partner.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

remember the time i drove all night....

OK...so here i am at my last day of work at a place i refer to as "hotel 1". i am soooooo happy that it is my last day here. this ends what has been a hell year for me. I really don't feel sad to be leaving at all. Its time for me to go. Someone once said that a lady always knows when its time to leave...and this lady knows without a shadow of a doubt that it is time to leave. There are so many things I could say...

To those of you that I will miss...goodbye and good luck. To those of you that I celebrate never seeing again....$*@* off :) I mean it in the best possible way. To the guests that have acted as if they were above me and treated me like I was stupid....GO TO HELL! I only wish that I could have said that to your face. You arrogant assholes. To the men who thought I was flirting with them because I was nice and smiled at them....get a life! To the guests who whined because they wanted a new room...I COULDN'T CARE LESS! To the people I told it was my pleasure to transfer...I lied. I hate answering the phone...and I don't want to speak to any of you.

While I'm at it....to the girl who slept with players at Real....FUCK YOU! You got what you deserved and I didn't tell on you. It was your stupid little intern.

Hmmm....I feel better.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Random Facts-tagged by Nikki

1. I am a huge Billy Joel fan. I love him. My perfect date for this summer would be to attend the Billy Joel concert at Shea Stadium.

2. I love baseball and soccer. I spent most of my life thinking baseball was boring until suddenly one day I became a Mets fan and it changed my life. :) I love soccer...my favorite team is Juventus. I just love the Italian style of play.

3. I hate struggling with my luggage at the airport. If I have to struggle with it...I become supreme bitch. It is best that I pay $3 and rent a little cart.

4. I love traveling! I love meeting new people and discovering new places.

5. My secret fantasy is to be a lounge/big band singer. I would love to dress in one of those great dresses from the '50's and sing ballads. :)

6. I love Rachel Ray. I wish I could watch the show every day and be just like her.

7. My favorite place in the world is Cinque Terre, Italy. I wish that it wasn't getting so popular.

8. The next place I want to visit is Spain! I really want to see Barcelona and Madrid.

I tag Doug for this random facts survey. :)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

please put your signal on!

ok...so appearantly I've been giving off a wrong signal lately. I don't know if its because I'm so happy and looking forward to my near near future...or if the universe is playing tricks on me...but lately I have been getting hit on a lot. Normally I would welcome this fun behavior from men, as it is usually flattering...but lately it has been a little weird. This past week I've been hit on by men that I have noooooooo interest in. In fact my level of interest is negative. It came out of nowhere and totally caught me off guard. Life is too weird. There are either too many men or no men at all. Currently I am no longer in a drought and I'm not sure that it is a good thing. I have this situation...there are two men that I like. I know people think you can't like more than one man at a time...but I do! This totally came out of left field. They are totally opposite...and neither one lives in the same city as I do. This is such a quandary...but i'm totally excited to see where it goes...I'll try and keep you posted...but I am kind of afraid to give too many details online.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Dog and House for Sale!!!!!!!!!

Last night was probably one of the worst nights I've had in a really long time. Well...it actually started out great. It was Elisa's bachelorette party. We began the night with incredible Italian food from Cucina Toscana. If you are in the Salt lake City area I highly recommend that you check out this very authentic restaurant. Walking in the door you know it is for real. It is oozing with that beautiful Italian style and charm. The owner of the restaurant was so cute! At the end of our meal he came over to ask us how our evening had been. I began speaking to him in Italian and he grabbed my cheeks and said "Bellissima"! We had a short conversation in Italian and it made me so happy. After dinner we went and saw Sex and the City. It was my third time seeing it this weekend and I must say...I loved it! My favorite part continues to be the scene where Carrie is "packing" and tries on the crazy dresses to get the girls input on toss or keep.

The night was lovely...I drove home and let Abbey out. Knowing I had to work in the morning at 7, I was anxious to get to bed. I was laying in bed for about 30 minutes when I felt something wet. Occasionally Abbey will lick her paw in bed and leave a small wet spot...but i could feel this was no small wet spot. So I turned on the light and sure enough Abbey had peed in the bed. Not only had she peed once...she had peed two or three times!!!!!! I was furious. I took her outside and came back in...too exhausted to deal with my bed I stripped the sheets and sprayed the mattress and made my way to the couch. By this time it was almost 3 and I had 4 hours until I had to be at work. I was just about asleep on the couch when Abbey climbed up on top of me and peed again!!!!!!! WTF? I was furious! I have neverrrrrrrr been so furious with my dog. I was ready to leave her outside to fend for herself. I took her out yet once more and made my way back in to sleep on the floor! Something is definitely wrong if I am sleeping on the floor and she is sleeping in my bed. I am here to announce that my dog will no longer be sleeping in the same bed as me. She has never done this before, and I can assure you she will never do it again.

Talking to a few people this morning they think she must be upset about something...I can't imagine why she would do that to me. I feed her, I love her, I take her to the park, I pet her, I scratch her belly...and this is how she repays me.

I am soooooooo exhausted and I'm here at work with less than a full hour of sleep. I seriously wish I was dead.

Someone buy my fucking house and get me out of this hell I'm living...please!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Oh Heaven!

Big shout out to New Kids on the Block who totally made my week by getting back together and recording a new beautiful song. Its called Summertime. It makes me so happy. You really have to check it out. Its like the 12 year old girl inside of me has another chance at her love for Jonathan Knight. :)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Graduation Day

I'm graduating today. FINALLY! I can't stop crying this morning. Maybe because I woke up at 4 am and couldn't get back to sleep....or maybe I'm just so relieved to be done. Or maybe I just want to go home. Its time for me to go home. Please buy my condo.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

I Just Called to Say...I love You

I know its super lame to anyone outside of the phone, but it is pretty much my favorite part of the night. Every night John and I spend at least an hour or more on the phone. We talk about nothing and something and all sorts of things. Sometimes we sit there quietly and watch a show or something. I know its lame, but its the closet thing we have to being together right now. I'm nervous and excited to see what will happen when we are actually in the same time zone. "The best thing you can do is to find someone who loves you for exactly who you are". (Juno) I may just have found that. Can you love someone that you haven't seen for 7 months? i think maybe you can. We'll find out. Its an experiment that I'm running and I really must find out ASAP! I really can't take being apart from him much longer. PLEASE BUY MY CONDO!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Forgiveness....

So almost three years ago I had a major falling out with one of my best friends. It was all my fault. I let him down. And now three years later I'm still feeling so awful about it. We had so much fun together and I often remember the good times we had. One thing that we both loved was Sex and the City. As thrilled as I am every time I see the previews...I'm a little sad too. I miss Brian. I miss him so much in my life. He is so funny and so fun to be around. Everytime I hear the song, "The Heart of the Matter" which is used in the previews I think about Brian. I wish there was something I could do or say to take away the pain I caused him. Last week in my drunken stupor I thought about making him a big card and sending it, but I'm not even sure he wants anything to do with me. Brian is living in New York and I am so proud of him for getting there. He wanted to move out there for so long-so I wish him well. The thing is...I'm going to be moving back east very soon and I know that I'll most likely run in to Brian in the city, because well lets face it, this world is very very small. Rather than feel awkward, I'd really like to run up to him and give him a big hug. Brian, I'm sorry...really really sorry. As cheesy as it is, I'd like to ask for your forgiveness, I just don't know how.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Testosterone Depot

So I just had to run to Home Depot to get some "Open House" signs for my condo. I kind of hate going to Home Depot because it is so completely out of my element. Even pulling in to the parking lot I'm very intimidated by all of the big Monster trucks and SUV's. I swear one of those trucks is going to run right over me one day and not even know it.

Anyway...once I finally found a parking spot I ran inside. Once inside I was so overwhelmed I almost ran back out. But I kept my eyes on the prize and made my way through all of the steel toed men. Have you ever noticed how many choices there are at Home Depot? After finding the various signs, I had to decide on the size and style of the sign. I am no good at these types of decisions. It took me 4 different stops to decide on the color to paint my house that I'm selling.

After waiting in line for the self check out for far too long, some guy decided to cut in front of me. I was so annoyed that I actually stepped in front of him and went to the machine. I turned and smiled saying, "Actually I was waiting for this one". He grunted and went to a different machine. Wouldn't you know it-my stupid self check out register was frozen! So the jerk actually beat me out of the store. Ech! I'd really like to get these men on my turf...say in Nordstroms shoe department. haha

Needless to say, I sure hope I won't be making any more trips to Home Depot in the near future. It is much too overwhelming for me.

marvelous!

So today I was able to meet up with some old friends for lunch. It was so nice to catch up with everyone. It got me thinking about all of the wonderful people that I have been able to meet in my life.

Lets face it, my life so far has been a lot of fun, and very different than I ever thought it would be. In fact, I grew up with the notion that I would be a good little Mormon girl and marry some great returned missionary who baptized thousands, and we would live happily ever after while I was baking casseroles for the relief society sisters and he was home teacher of the year. (p.s. I am in no way bashing this life style, it works great for some people, just not great for me)

My, my, my....what a different path I've gone down. I still find it funny to think that by my age my mother had 3 children! I have a hard enough time balancing my time between my dog and my jobs. Maybe someday I'll be ready for kids, but for now I'm really doing just fine dealing with what I've got. I'll be honest, I'm sure glad I didn't marry that returned missionary who baptized thousands of people. There are many reasons, but the main one is...well he never existed for me. I dated a few "Mormon" guys and we never clicked. I suppose there is just something about me that makes me and the "Mormon boys" incompatible. I think that my parents have come to terms with it...but we'll see how they deal with the bombshell that I may be dropping on them.

Anyway, I sure am glad I was able to meet the wonderful people that I worked with at Real...but I don't really miss working there. Not one bit! I'm off to bed now cause I have to clean my house beyond recognition and get it ready for someone to buy it tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

note to self...

working with the public blows!

Monday, April 21, 2008

beer before liquor...you get sicker quicker!

oh yuck!!!! Can I just say that last night I did not have brilliant judgment. Trust me...I'm paying for it today! I don't even want to remember what I drank last night, but as I stumbled up the stairs of my condo...I couldn't wait to hit the toilet. I didn't even get out of bed until one o'clock today. All I have to say is "Damn the Irish for making those car bombs"! Johns said this was a true sign that I'm not as young as I used to be and can no longer drink like an idiot. haha Point taken. I did have fun with my girls last night....I only wish that I wouldn't have ended the evening on the toilet with my face down in it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Saturday....my day off!

So here I am....in my beautiful clean house! The only part about trying to sell my condo that I love is how nice my house looks. I really am an anal clean girl...if you've ever been to my house, I know you don't believe it-but I love it when everything is in its place. I feel like my brain can breathe. haha

My sister in law, Lisa is my realtor and so today she had a showing after my open house, so Abbey, Julia and I went to the park. It was so nice out. It was fun to spend some time with Julia and watch Abbey wanting to chase the ducks but being terrified of actually getting wet. I swear I have found myself in a dog. I personally think my dog is brilliant. I hate getting wet unless I'm already planning on it. I would never run in to a mucky park pond with ducks swimming in it. Abbey feels the same way. I just love her. She is so sweet and doesn't even mind seeing me naked.

Tonight I'm going to dinner with the girls! I couldn't be more excited. It has been so long since we've all been able to get together and hang out. I've been working way too much lately and I feel like I've missed out on so much. Sure...my bout of depression didn't really help matters either. I think I finally have my head on semi-straight and I'm good to go. Only time will tell of course.

The good news of the week is that I actually feel like I've made peace with Utah, so now I can go. I was so bitter and angry towards this place I'm currently in. Its been a constant battle because there are many things that I love about Utah. They are the following: my family, my friends, my house and hmmmm my dog. There that's it. But honestly it is beautiful here. It just doesn't tug at my heart the way that other places do. Yet, I knew that I had to make some kind of peace with Utah before I could move on.

The other good news is that I have today off from work! I love having today off....I just don't know what to do with myself! My house is clean, I have no homework or anywhere to be for two hours. It is awesome! Hurray for Saturday! Now if only I could get laid. I really need to get laid. I'm at my breaking point. my problem is that I have some morals now...and well lets face it, I'm past my "fun lay" age. I'm more in to the "get laid by someone you love" phase...and well that is just complicated. EH! Guess its me and Bob.

Friday, April 18, 2008

a few observations

So I went shopping the other day to buy something to wear to work. Its sometimes frustrating because I don't really have a ton of money right now...but I need nice things to wear to work. So as I was shopping I noticed a funny trend in the "women" sizes. All of the brands were called like Goddess or something like that. I actually laughed out loud in the store because I thought about how bigger women are always trying to call themselves voluptuous and goddess like....which I think is fine for them...but as I'm shopping for a bigger size than I would like to wear, I don't feel like a goddess-I just feel fat. No name on the clothing I purchase will make me feel better about my size...so I quickly ran out of the store and did a work out video at home.

Today I took Abbey to this gorgeous park for a nice walk. As we walked through the park Abbey continually felt the need to sniff and relieve herself. As the walk grew to an end...I noticed she was running out of pee. haha She had left her scent on so many places in the park already that she could barely leave one more. It got me to thinking how funny it would be if humans went around leaving their scent everywhere. I'm not really sure why dogs do this...but I think it has something to do with territory and leaving their mark for dogs of the opposite sex. I laughed as I thought how funny it would be if every time I saw a cute guy I would pee to get his attention. I wonder if it would work. I seriously doubt it, so I won't be trying it anytime soon.

Its so nice out today, I'd really like to have a "sick day", but as it turns out I can't really afford a sick day...and I do have tomorrow off! Hallelujah.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Hotel Etiquette....

So I have worked in the hotel industry a long ass time. During this time I have checked in and out thousands of people. During my time in the hotel I've noticed a few things that I would like to point out to travelers. I know that in fact most of the people that read this blog...and I know that no one that I know would ever behave poorly in a hotel...but on the off chance that I may reach out to some travel jerk....I'm posting this here.

1. Don't call the hotel directly for reservations. Some hotel front desk clerks have to make them and answer 50 other calls and deal with the guests all by themselves...call the reservations desk...it is their soul purpose in life to make reservations. You won't get a better deal by calling the hotel directly-I PROMISE! Sometimes you can walk in to a hotel and get a great rate if the hotel is slow and the front desk clerk is in a good mood. Be nice, tell a joke...be cool and you could get a better rate, depending on the hotel.

2. When you check in....do not call the front desk clerk a pet name....i.e. sweetie...honey...sugar....any of those-we don't think its cute.

3. If the front desk clerk is friendly and smiles at you....9 times out of 10...she/he is not interested in coming up to your room later...they are smiling and being friendly because it is their job. It is not amusing to be invited up to a guests room, it is annoying-so don't do it.

4. If you would like to request a special room, a particular floor, a free upgrade-mention that when you make the reservation. It is easier to make those types of changes before you check in...and before you are standing in the middle of the lobby whining about the floor you've been assigned.

5. Be nice! Always be nice! If you are rude to the front desk clerk....do you really think they are going to give you a free upgrade? UMMMMM....nope...."I'm sorry there doesn't seem to be any available". Ever heard that before? Well it isn't always true....but if you're rude or annoying...I guarantee it is what you will hear.

6. If you have a huge concern or issue with the hotel...DO NOT SCREAM at the front desk person. Calmly tell them what happened and listen for their response. If you feel like you are getting no where with them...kindly ask to speak with their manager or supervisor. Unfortunately hotels are open 24 hours a day 7 days a week...yaddi yada....so there isn't always a manager available. If this is the case, ask for the managers business card and contact them later. It varies upon the hotel...but many front desk agents do not have the authority to issue you more points for your stay or to refund you for your stay. Be patient and allow them to do their job. They are definately not paid enough to take any verbal abuse from you.

7. If you see the front desk agent speaking with another guest, do not barge in. It is rude, and no one thinks you are as important as you do.

8. Tip the housekeeping staff. They work very hard and are not paid well. Especially if you leave your room particularly messy...it is considerate but not expected to leave a 1-2$ tip per day. Of course you can always leave more if they did an excellent job.

9. If you enjoyed your stay, let them know...if you did not, please let them know. Most hotels actually do care about what their guests think. Feedback helps us to decide which employees are best and what we can do to improve.

10. I guess most of these are just common decency tips that can be applied to any day to day activities, but I hope that people will try and recognize them as they travel. Remember...you are representing your company, your country and your family.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

alright....ok....

Fine! Maybe whoever said I needed to change my attitude was right. I did...and well things are looking up. Its hard sometimes to focus on the future when you feel so trapped in your present. Based upon the news of last week....I'm actually surprised that I'm feeling so good. But I somehow just stopped caring about other people's actions. Instead I'm focusing on me. I am graduating in a month! That is so exciting. I've worked so hard on this for 10 years! I'm still in shock that this day is coming....but I know that it is. I bought my cap and gown last week and I even tried it on. It feels so good to have accomplished something. One of the reasons I went back to school was because I felt like I keep having these projects that went unfinished....so I took the biggest project and tackled it. I sort of fill like I may be able to tackle all of the other projects that have been left undone.

I have to admit though that I'm feeling a little tired of relationships. I mean like....romantic relationships. I feel like I have had such rotten luck in them my whole life. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be with someone else. Fine. It will take me some time to accept that...but when I do, I'll be OK. I suppose it could be a lot worse...I could be stuck in some polygamist compound or married to some guy that beat me. So I supposed I'm lucky that I'm single...because lets face it...with the luck I've had in relationships....I'd probably have a horrible marriage too. Being single also allows me to follow my dream. I can pick up and move...because well-its only me. It can be very sad and lonely at times...but that is just life. And I'm about to have a great life.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Bada Bing!

There is something in the air today....maybe its the sun...but I am feeling a little better than yesterday. I think I'm going to contribute it to BASEBALL! The Mets have their first game. After aquiring Santana in the off season...they have a solid team. He's really all we needed to make the team unstoppable. I'm kind of bummed that I won't be able to watch their first game...but very soon (I hope) I'll be able to go to a game in person! In some ways I think I'm so anxious to move back east so I can enjoy the Mets in their last year at Shea stadium. There has always been some sort of magic about Shea....so it will be great to watch their last season in it. I know for certain that I'm anxious to get out of here. Please someone buy my condo. Its cute....and affordable. PLEASE!

Also I decided that I'm going to walk in my graduation. Hey-it took me a long time to get this bachelor's degree....and I think I deserve to be ackowledged for it! haha At first I was feeling a little nervous about graduation because of what happened on the day of my highschool graduation...but I think this year everything is under control. (For those of you that don't know what happened on the day of high school graduation....my grandma had a stroke and died a few days later). It took me ten years to get my bachelors...and in two I'll have my masters! It has been a long ride. I've been through so many things personally, physically, mentally, financially, and I've changed my major a million times. I've studied at four different universities, five if you include the one in Italy. I started out as a theater major....and I am graduating as an International Studies major. Its kind of insane. :) My goals have changed along the way....but I feel like I'm very settled in my decision now. I have learned more about myself than most people learn on their path to obtain their bachelors, most likely because its taken me so long.

I do have to give a shout out to John. I really don't think this day would be here yet if it wasn't for him. He kept pushing me to get my degree. He is helping me to finish all of my started projects. He's such an important person in my life. I wish he could be at my graduation....but he will be there when I get my masters-so that will be ok.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

writing it all off....

I am so done. I have never felt so trapped before. Trapped by so many things and nothing seems to be going right. I am so tired. Mostly tired of pretending to care about things. Tired of pretending that I love helping guests, tired of pretending that I love doing anything that I don't want to do. (Which is a lot lately) Maybe its all the gloomy cold weather, or maybe its just curtains for me.

I'm sorry for being such a downer. You don't have to read my blog though...if you find it annoying.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

gossip......

so....it really isn't a good idea to say bad things about people. even if they are true. unfortunately it can come back to you...and it isn't fun to appologize for saying those bad things about people. its strange because in highschool i never really gossiped. but somehow....i've picked it up. i'm totally appologetic. it isn't nice to gossip....i've had some really nasty things said about me in the past year...and knowing how it feels... i'd like to say sorry on here. i'm sorry for saying anything negative about anyone. it really isn't my business to judge. my goal for the next stage in my life is to not gossip. seriously....it makes people look like losers to gossip because then it means that someone else is more interesting than you are. haha again...i'm sorry. probably the people that i've talked about don't read this, but i'm putting it out there in the universe. i'm sorry.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

tired.....

i'm so tired of being alone and having no one to go to dinner with. fucking tired.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Gypsies tramps and thieves....

so i took a little drive...on monday i wanted some cheese curds. so i decided to drive 3 hours away to beaver. once I got to beaver...i decided i would drive another hour and a half to st. george to see my friend jason. so on tuesday morning i woke up in st. george and decided...why not drive to vegas. so that is what i did. driving all that way alone gave me plenty of time to think. the biggest thing i realized is that the road from salt lake to vegas is full of gypsies...tramps and thieves. the truck drivers i consider gypsies. they travel to and fro with their heavy cargo. sometimes they think its important to pull right in front of you forcing you to slam on your breaks. i disagree...but i learned that many of them feel it is a good thing. the tramps can be seen at every rest stop and gas station along the way. i couldn't believe the make up on some of the gas station employees...and their disgusting excuses for toilets. i have no idea what goes on in some of those rest stops...and i don't want to know. the thieves are a little bit harder to see. but i like to think of the policemen along the way as thieves. they hold that little black hairdryer at you and suddenly you owe them your soul. luckily i didn't have any encounters with the thieves. all in all it was a pretty good trip. i bought some new shoes and ate at in 'n out. oh and i did get some cheese curds, which abbey practically ate all of because i stupidly left her in the car alone with the bag while i went to the bathroom. i have no idea why my dog likes cheese so much...but she sure does.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Someday....

So I have to admit that sometimes I feel pretty lonely. I know it seems silly...but living alone or with a room mate who is rarely home can be very lonely. I guess I'm at that point in my life where I want to have someone to share it with. I'm tired of waking up alone every morning...and trying to fall asleep alone at night. These are some true secret confessions I'm sharing here, so keep that in mind as you snicker at me. I have a wonderful dog, but I wish she could talk. Sometimes you just want to hear someone else's voice. I have a lot ahead of me...and much of it will be alone. I just hope that in the near future I will have someone by my side on a more regular basis, and if not...I will have my Stewy! I'm so excited to live near my Stewart. Every girl needs one-so go and get one today. But don't try and share mine....I don't share well. haha

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

marriage...

You know...after working in the hotel industry for so long...I've started to lose faith in marriage. I hear men complaining about their nagging wives and then they go out on the "town". I'm just becoming disenchanted with it all. So I think I'm going to marry myself. I never nag at myself and I'm never tempted to cheat on me. I've been alone this long...whats the rest of my life?

peace out.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Mediocre

Why is it that women put up with mediocre men? Now I know that there are some wonderful men out there....but seriously! It seems like men are constantly rewarded with poor behavior and mediocrity at best.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

My Primary Colors......

The primary elections were held last night....and as democrats-we are still undecided on our top pick for President. We have two very strong canidates and it has put us all into a conundrum. But there is something that the media is trying to do...and I'm really annoyed with it. They are trying to say that because I'm a female democrat and white that I am voting for Hillary Clinton, while the black man down the street is voting for Obama. Well they couldn't be more wrong! Last night I voted for Barack Obama. Not because he is black or because he is a man, but because I believe in him. His message is one of unity and hope, not of race or gender. As a woman, of course I would love to see a female president in the white house sooner than later. However, I don't feel that Hillary is the best choice. I am tired of people pitting us against each other. So when I see headlines like....candidates are splitting votes between color and gender lines it makes me angry! If you will please notice who is backing Obama in the media....Oprah (yes she is black), Senator Kennedy (white male), Dave Matthews (white male), Will I.am (black male), Jennifer Aniston (white female), Maria Shriver (white female), Jessica Edstrom (white female)! Look....my point is...I don't think we are as divided as they are claiming. I just wish that all of those things would stop being an issue....and that we could focus on coming together and making a change in this great nation of ours. I believe it is vitally important to repair our damaged foreign relations and to heal the hearts of every American, and I believe Barack Obama is the best person to do this. YES WE CAN!

On a final note....I believe the greatest thing about this country is that we have the privilege to vote. We are so blessed as Americans to have a say in what happens in our country. I don't expect all of my friends and family to vote the same way that I do, in fact....they usually don't. But I am so proud to know so many people who voted, young and old who went out and made their voices heard. When you see races as close as the democratic one...you have to know-YOUR VOTE COUNTS! I don't care who you support, but please get out there and make an educated vote.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

black car?

hmmm...so last week after sliding across the fucking icy snowy road in Sandy, Utah I decided that I should wash my car. So today...after making sure that it wasn't going to snow today, I went to a nice little car wash and had the super wash done on my car. I thought that my car was grey all winter, however--after the wash...I realized that I have a black car! How exciting. :) I love black cars and I'm happy to have one. My car will soon be paid off and that was my first thought as I slid beyond my control. Thank god it still works and only left a small scar on my little Ebony.

I'm done with winter. Last week I went to Orange County to see Josh and the set that he designed. The set was amazing and it was wonderful to be in the warm California sun as well. Josh and I had a lot of fun...but didn't do too much. The biggest surprise of the trip was an Obama rally that I was lucky enough to stumble upon. I am fired up and ready to go. I sure hope Obama wins....he gives me so much hope for the future, and boy do we need it! But...whoever you decide to vote for-make an educated choice and please vote...it is the most important thing you'll ever do!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

i met a boy

ok...not a boy...a man! DAVE MATTHEWS is so cool, and I met him. We didn't shag....haha but we're totally in love.

Friday, January 4, 2008

My Personal Statement for Columbia....

Below you can read my personal statement for Columbia University...if you notice any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes....don't tell me....I've already turned it in. haha


Standing in the shadows of our Nation’s capitol that day on April 25, 2004 I could hardly fight back my tears. I was surrounded by a sea of one million people who were standing up for women’s rights: the right to equal health care, to equal access, and to make their own reproductive choices. I was touched not only by the turnout, but also by my right to march freely without fear of harm. The ability to actively participate in my government humbled me. As I marched around the Washington Mall, I felt a sisterhood that I had never felt before and it was there that I realized I was enjoying a privilege many women in the world are not allowed. At this moment, I was inspired to aid in the spread of this women’s movement to the rest of the world.

Sadly, women in many parts of the world are objects of violence and lack the basic rights that I enjoy. My greatest desire is to become a diplomat for the United States of America with a focus on women’s rights as I believe women can strongly contribute to their nation’s development. Furthermore, the world is desperate for more women to join the leadership ranks domestically as well as internationally. In 2007, the United States Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, spoke to the United Nations about the importance of involving women in the diplomatic process world-wide.

As a diplomat for the United States of America, I want to work with women of developing nations to create new opportunities for them. I have always been taught that the key to success is proper and superior education. Through my studies I have improved my life, and have created the hope inside of me that I might help enrich the lives of others.

I want to work hands on in with women in developing nations in Africa to teach them to read and to teach them that there is hope for their lives. These women will become the leaders of the future, not only in their own homes and communities but leaders of their nations. My goal is simple, my resolve is firm, and I want to pass on the blessings that I have received. The former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto once said, “Life is a constant struggle… it is important to work hard, have faith, patience and persevere in overcoming odds. It is important to build relationships on the principles of love, loyalty and honor”. Bhutto’s words have become my motto as I consider my objectives for the future. Nothing could be more important to me than to be part of the positive change that I want to see in the world.

An education from the School of International and Public Affairs (SIPA) at Columbia University would not only provide me with the tools I need to make a difference, but the connections and guidance necessary to point me in the right direction. In all of my research of Graduate schools, I feel that the SIPA is the perfect match for me. In particular I would like to work with Lisa Anderson and learn more about how social science can affect public policy; the courses offered in Social Policy and Human Rights interest me. I am also impressed with the intensity and the comparative resources and guest lecturers that have spoken at SIPA in the past. I will take advantage of the world-class faculty and the location of the school which will give me access to The United Nations and many other organizations that will ensure that I am able to further my horizons. It is through my education and experience that I have gained a passion for diplomacy. It is my hope and desire that this dream may be realized and that I may have the opportunity to become a diplomat and continue my country’s mission and outreach in developing nations.