The one sure way to make your day AWESOME!

There are a lot of websites and blogs that I read on a daily basis. But there is one that makes me laugh harder than any other. I'd like to share this site with you. I promise that it will make you laugh out loud. I first have to say that if you've never been to Walmart... you may not get this website immediately-but if you give it a few minutes you will understand the entire essence of Walmart.

To make your day... please go to....www.peopleofwalmart.com

Here is a sneak peak....

Putting It All Out There

Never Forget

It is here again. The day that changed the life of so many people. This is the day that I will always remember. Years from now I will look back on this day with sadness and reverence as I recount the story to my children and grandchildren. I am proud to be an American. I am proud of this country. Because of September 11th I think I hold my loved ones just a little tighter, I forgive a little easier, and I try and love a little more, and anger less. God bless those who lost loved ones on that day, and bless those who are continuing to fight to make a better place for us all.

Booty Call

I just wanted to do a shout out to the girls who got back! I know all my sisters can holla at this one! :) I know its really immature, but seriously.... I couldn't help but take a quick shot to share it all with you. Baby got back!

Clouds in my coffee

What a beautiful day it is! Last Sunday my car kind of exploded.... so all week I've been riding my bike to the train. Its been a nice start to my morning, but the helmet hair is insufferable. I don't like wearing a damn helmet. It is however the law that everyone wear one. I completely agree with this law for children. Their young minds are still developing and trauma to the head can cause permanent damage. But I am an adult... I have a hard head... and I don't like to mess up my hair. My only fear is that one day a car will hit me if I don't wear it and then I'll end up like Stephen Hawking. Does anyone have any ideas about how to not get helmet head in the morning?

Work is going well-but getting completely crazy! I'm interviewing about 5 people per day and I have about 100 more people to hire for Guest Services. I really love my job, but I'm starting to get nervous. Its a seasonal position and after the Open I'm going to have to find a new job. Traditionally they say September is a good month to find a job, but I'm still incredibly nervous about it. We will see what happens. Worse case scenario I may relocate with my Aunt and Uncle in Maryland for a couple of months and then return to prepare for the next Open.

My living situation currently kind of sucks. I have my own space, but I'm supposed to share the kitchen with my roommate and her son. She however doesn't really want me using her kitchen, so I'm confined to my room. I have a microwave, toaster and a small fridge-but no hot plate or stove top. This makes it incredibly difficult to prepare a meal. I only have the use of my bathroom sink, and so I can't really prepare much either. For now I'm dealing with this in hopes of securing a decent job after the Open and moving a little closer to NYC.

So how about Mr. Goslin. I have to admit, I've only once watched John and Kate plus Eight... but after seeing the story of their rocky marriage EVERYWHERE, I couldn't help but get a little caught up in the drama. I'm completely disguisted by his behavior. I don't understand why it is that when couples split up, the Mom ends up having to step it up for the kids, and the Dad is free to frolic with a new younger model. It doesn't seem fair to me. It isn't just celebraties either. I've dated single dads in the past and it seems like they became more of an Uncle to their kids, only seeing them once in a while and rarely spending any holidays with them. I realize that people need love, but come on! If a man is a willing participant in creating the children, why is it so easy for them to walk away? I just don't understand the psychology of it.

Tomorrow John and I are going to the Natural History Museum in NYC and I'm so excited! On Friday on the subway I was reading the posters and one of them was advertising the Natural History Museum, when I saw it I couldn't help but want to go. I didn't mention anything to John, but when he picked me up at the train station he asked me if I wanted to go to the NHM on Sunday. I was so excited I almost screamed. haha It is awesome how is starting to read my mind... and next weekend we are going to Hershey, PA to see Jason Mraz and Dave Matthews perform! I am soooooooooooo excited! I've been looking forward to this concert for months, but because of my car exploding and others unexpected life costs, I didn't think we'd be going. But John bought the tickets and booked the hotel... so DMB here I come!

Confessions of a fat girl

As I sit here at Weight Watchers having weighed in heavier than last week I am feeling so defeated. I need help. I have a disease. My disease is "Fat". Being fat controls my life. It hides who i am. It protects me and it shames me. I wasn't always fat. I started life as a normal little girl. I learned to use food as comfort. Food was love and acceptance. Food took away my fear and food was there to comfort me whenever I needed it.

And now that food is killing me I realize that I've got to overcome this. Being fat is so unlike any other disease. For a smoker that quits they don't need three cigarettes a day to keep living. Alcoholics can promise to never touch alcohol again but food- food can not be forsaken. When you are so fat and and depressed the last thing you want to do is work out. You feel grossed out by what you've become and defeated by the amount of weight you've got to lose. You're ashamed. You don't want anyone to see. So you join Weight Watchers. You try Internet diets. But you are still fat you feel even worse. Because now you can add another thing to the list of the things you've failed at. I think of being thin. I think of jumping off a bridge. But no where in my mind do i want to gain more weight. It is a lonely disease. A lonely life. You can't shop in normal stories so shopping is no longer fun. You can't fit comfortably in the seats on a plane so even travel stops being fun.

I'm depressed and can't imagine it getting any better.I wish I could be on the Biggest Loser. Maybe if I had some help I could learn to change my life. But I need serious help. I am so convinced that being fat is a disease. It is a psychological, physical and mental disease.

Memo to my Fellow Commuters

To My Fellow Commuters:

Hi. I'll make this quick since we are all in a hurry, well some of us are in a hurry. I commute four hours a day. Yes that is two hours in the morning, two hours in the evening. During this time I have witnessed many things that I would like to call to the attention of those I am sharing the trains, subways and boardwalks with.

Personal hygiene is very important. However, I don't want to smell you in the morning. I don't care how good you think that cheap calogne smells... it makes me sick.

Escalators: my Father taught me many years ago that when riding on an escalator if you would like to stand on the moving staircase stand to the right, if you would like to walk up the escalator you should walk up on the left. I have practiced this theory most of my life. I understand there are many foreigners in NYC and some of them drive on the opposite side of the road... but seriously people-if you are not in a hurry stand to the right. Standing on the left in someone's way is completely annoying. In my long commute every minute counts. If someone is in my way and holds me back even a minute, it is possible that I will miss my train and get home even later.

Be courteous of those in the seats in front of you, putting your feet up on the back of the seat or pushing against it disturbs the person in front of you. It disturbs them in the middle of their back. Not very nice.

I think that is all for now. Thank you for reading.

The end.

P.S. I've been asked to report on the books I'm reading. Currently I am reading The Brother's Karamazov. It is a great book, but it is long. I'll tell more about it later. I did however discover something really cool lately. I am one of those people that reads 1-2 books every week. I have the time frankly so that is why I do it. I have never been good at getting books from the library because by the time I get the book turned back in I usually owe more than the book would have cost to buy. So based on that I've been buying all of the books I've been reading. Well in the hopes of saving some money I've been trying to figure out how to cut back on my book budget. Well I just discovered the greatest website www.swaptree.com! It is so cool. Basically you upload any book, cd, movie that you are willing to trade. Then you can trade your books, cd's and movies with other people and they will send you something that you want to read or listen too. It is free to trade through the site, you only pay to ship your book to other members. John just sent off my first two books this morning so I'll let you know when I get the two books I traded for. I'm really excited about this site though.

I also have to put a plug in for True Blood. The new season starts Sunday on HBO and it is one of the best series on right now. My recommendation should tell you something... I usually hate vampire movies/stories. But this series is awesome! It is based on a series by Charlaine Harris called the Sookie Stackhouse Series. Not only do I recommend True Blood, I highly recommend reading this series. I never read or watched Twilight, but I think anyone that was in to that would like True Blood. The thing you should know about True Blood is that it does get kind of sexy and may not be appropriate for a younger reader, but all of the adults will love it!

Get away from me you Christian Street Preacher! AHHH!

Ok... so it is very ironic to me that I should spend most of my life growing up in SLC, which is known as a very "religious" place and yet I can count on maybe 2 fingers the times that I've been preached at from a street corner. If my memory serves me correctly both of those times were during the 2002 Winter Olympics. One of those times was actually pretty funny. I remember that during the Olympics there were all these "Christians" who came to SLC to warn the world about the dangers of the Mormon church. Why they felt it necessary to do this... is beyond me. Growing up I considered myself a "Christian". My parents taught me that a "Christian" was anyone who believed in Christ and lived the way he taught. Anyway... back to the story.

So on a cold winter's day in the middle of downtown SLC I was yelled at by some "Christian". I stopped this time particularly annoyed. I decided to have a conversation with this guy. I politely asked him what he was doing. He started going on a diatribe of the horrors of the Mormon church. After listening to him for a minute... I stated that I thought he would be a lot more effective if instead of bashing the Mormons, he instead told people the great things his "church" had to to offer. I could see that I'd caught him off guard because he didn't really know what to say. After a long pause... he was back at bashing the Mormon church again. I decided I wasn't going to win his fight so I said... well it is very interesting what you have to say, let me take some of your papers to my friends and family. The man handed me a stack of about 10 papers. I walked down the street a ways and threw them in the garbage. That move made me laugh a little. I have never understood people who only know how to bash... and don't take the time or effort to inform others of their belief, but instead bash those with a strong belief in something.

I find it ironic that now in NYC I am met with annoying, loud-mouth Christians on a daily basis. My boss is one of those "Christians" and has taken it upon himself to "save me". It has gotten to an almost unbearable thing. I don't feel the need to be saved, nor do I think it has anything to do with him. I would complain to HR... but my boss is HR! The other ironic part of it is that my co-worker is a Catholic. My boss bashes Mormons and Catholics... and my co-worker is so eager to please that I get stuck defending the Mormon and Catholic chruches! I get so annoyed with being preached at that I want to push all street preachers down! I know that is extreme but seriously! I once was forced to listen some guy ranting and raving about Jesus on the subway because he decided that was a good place to recite everything he knew about Jesus loud enough for the whole train to hear.

I just can't take it anymore. I love Jesus... I love God. But hey.... I don't really think its appropriate or necessary for me to stand on the corner in everyone's way screaming that they are going to hell if they don't believe in Jesus. Honestly I think the people that are standing on those corners may have a better place in hell than I do because hey... they are holding those damn annoying signs and shouting-I'm 100% positive that hell will be full of that.

Tales from the Commute

Well...well...well. I have had the pleasure of my commute to Queens for about a month now. It is one of the longest parts of my day. All in all I spend about 4 hrs and 40 minutes a day on public transportation. I feel as if I'm somehow becoming an expert at this commuting business. So I decided that I'm going to try and write more about my experiences because believe me... I see some very entertaining things!

To start with I'll share with you my morning commute. I'm going to leave some details out because I don't really want a scary person to read this and know my every move.

I start my day out at 5:30 a.m. For my readers in Utah... that is 3:30! Yep... about the time you're getting home from your wild night at the club... I'm waking up. This is probably the hardest part for me because I really have a hard time getting to bed before midnight. You do the math. Now depending on my ability to get my butt out of bed depends on my transportation to the train station. A couple months ago my fabulous boyfriend bought me an adorable little bike. I love my bike so much! It is a beautiful red and white vintage style Schwinn cruiser. On mornings where I'm ready to leave the house early I am able to ride my bike to the train station. But lets be honest... now that the excitement of my job has worn off a little... I'm staying longer and longer in bed and am barely pulling in to the station before the train takes off!

I have the first part of my commute down pact. I know exactly where I need to stand in order to be right at the entrance to the train. This fact always makes me smile. I can't help but watch the other commuters with a little social curiosity. Most of them run to the front of the train in hopes of getting a seat. I wait near the back and walk on easily. Its funny how years of "running to the front cause no one is there" has trained everyone to go to the front and to leave the rest of the train almost empty. I don't plan on telling them this any time soon.

Once arriving at Secaucus (yes it is pronounced SEA-COCK-US) I'll wait for the laugh... ok anyway... this is where it starts to get really funny for me. At the Secaucus station (still laughing?) there tends to be this huge blob of people all fighting their way to get on this escalator. However, I made a discovery within the first week that if I stray from the crowd... I have my own private escalator just around a corner from the blob. In fact.. the blob watches me go down the escalator but because they are very silly... they don't realize that they can save themselves from the blob by joining me on my private escalator. This makes me laugh every day. I have this funny feeling like I've outsmarted all of the blob. It is a great start to my day.

It never ceases to amaze me how rude people will be on public transportation. People spread out and occupy three seats just because they don't want anyone to sit by them. As you can imagine the train going in to NYC is quite full... so I am forced to push my way on to the train and almost demand that someone move their bag off of a seat so that I may sit. This train is quick in to Penn Station.

From Penn I begin my subway fun. The subway is an incredible source of entertainment. I have seen things such as 8' tall Asians... cross dressing men, a woman with a huge doll in a stroller and a half naked homeless man with his bum sticking out. Luckily I'm able to drowned out the ranting "Christians" and the lunatics with the sweet music of my ipod, but I can't cover the smell or do anything about the insanity in front of me. I take my ride all the way out to Queens.

The ride to Queens is very ethnic. I'm usually the only white woman on the train and I am able to get a glimpse at what it would be like to visit China, India and Mexico. Hopefully on my way to Queens I don't contract the Swine flu... but if I do you'll understand why.

All in all I don't mind my commute. I've been able to read about 2 books a week and really get to listen to my ipod. I'm definitely amused with the commute thus far and I plan on making more posts about it as well as bringing in some pictures to the mix.

The worst part of it all is the pushing and shoving and the damn people that stand on the left side of the escalator instead of walk. I actually had my first push just the other day and I quickly found the New Yorker inside of me and told the guy off. I have to admit I was a little surprised at myself... but the guy was an ass and deserved to be told off.

Until next time happy commuting. What are your commuting nightmares?

There is no place like home!

I flew in to Salt Lake on Thursday night to surprise my family. I couldn't wait to see the baby... and it was the only weekend I would possibly be able to fly out there until after the US Open. I told my sister, Angie that I was going to be flying in because she was my ride. Angie and Abbey picked me up and we subsequently surprised Heather and her husband, Jason and then my parents. I got the best reaction out of my parents, because well I think they love me the most. I love surprises and had so much fun sneaking in on them.

My best surprise was my beautiful niece Audrey Faye! I love her so much. I can't believe the way it feels to be an Aunt. It is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I couldn't really take my eyes off of her and spent most of my time holding her. I was able to see Heidi and Hiba very briefly-but I was so happy that we were able to meet up before they went to Denver. I was able to sneak in a haircut with my favorite stylist-Christeena. I seriously love the way she cuts my hair and I really miss her. Jason and I had some good laughs and then I popped in on Lexi's bridal shower and then Allison, Tina, Scott and I had dinner on Saturday night, but mostly it was family time.

I know it is hard for some people to understand. But when you live away from home and then you go home for a visit it can be VERY stressful. In my short time period of being home there were SO many people that I wanted to see... and even more people that I didn't get a chance to see. :( It is so hard to spread yourself around-especially when you are exhausted. I am so sad that I didn't get to see Julia and Shannon and Chris, and Deanna and Christian and Nicole and Jason! I also have so many cousins that I didn't get to see. I'm sorry! Already since I've lived in NJ I've been home more than I ever went home when I lived out here the first time.

I get homesick. I get really sad sometimes. While I've made some good friends out here, they don't know me as well as the friends I've had for years. They don't get my jokes, they don't like jokes about trees and they don't laugh when I cheat at pool.

In other news... I am loving my job! It is so much fun and not an hour of my day goes by in which I feel the need to distract myself with Internet surfing-which says A LOT! I've already made some new friends at the company and my team is great! being in HR I've also learned the ins and outs of writing resumes that will get noticed. The best advice I can give you-Write a cover letter! I know you've heard that a million times, but it is really the best way to brag about your skills and convince the person that is hiring to call you. Don't be boring in your cover letter. Be professional but be yourself. I think it is really hard to write a good cover letter. If anyone wants me to look at their resume or cover letter I'd be happy to do so. I don't claim to be an expert, but I'm in the "hiring" side of things and may be able to offer some pointers. Just let me know.

I think that is about it. It is really starting to be so beautiful here. I love the leaves turning green and all the flowers coming out. It is so nice to ride my bike on the way to the train in the morning and watch spring come alive.

Oh one more thing! I've absolutely gone crazy in the beading side of life. I have been making necklaces and bracelets and earrings, and I am having so much fun! So far I've only given them as gifts, but John is really trying to convince me to sell some. I hope to do that at one point, but for now I love them too much to part with them. :)

A STAR is born!

This morning at around 5:10 am in Salt Lake City, UT my niece, Audrey Faye was born! I am so excited. I can't believe how good it feels to be an Auntee. I haven't even seen a picture yet but I already feel so much love for this little girl. This is the first grand baby for our family and we are all so excited. Thanks to Lisa and Ben for giving me my very favorite title, Aunt Jessica! I don't think I have ever been called anything better.

I'm so glad I have the day off to be able to do a little shopping for this little one. I better get busy... she needs her Mets gear! :) I will put up a picture as soon as I get one. Its a miracle that she and mom are doing well. She is about 3 weeks early... I guess she just couldn't wait to be here!

Wow I am so overwhelmed and so in love! :) Yay for babies. The best part... I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and change her diaper. But I probably wouldn't mind. Geesh, I'm really turning in to one of those crazy Aunts.

So much to say

I haven't blogged in a while.. which is pretty ironic seeing as how I've had loads of free time. I don't really have any excuse accept that I haven't felt much like myself... and didn't really want everyone to know that. The past several days have been full of sunshine which has been the best medicine I could have possibly hoped for. I'm feeling better about life and even optimistic. So its been about a month since I started interviewing with the U.S. Tennis Association. They have definitely taken their time in choosing someone for the recruiting position. Finally I got a phone call last week telling me that I was in the running and even at the top of their list. But yet I again I was told to wait. Yesterday I got an email asking for my earliest availability. I finally think I may have a job. They will be making their final decision on Friday... so I'll know then. If I don't get this job I may go postal. I like working and I really need money.

I need money cause I found this pretty new bike that I want. It is vintage looking red and white, and you know I'll be getting a basket and a dog carrier for when Abbey comes back to me! I am so excited about getting a cute little bike.

Now I have something a bit more serious to discuss. I do have to warn that the things I'm about to say may offend some people. In fact they may indeed offend some of my readers. My intent here is not to offend... but I am warning you that you may be offended if you keep reading. There that bit of housekeeping is taken care of... here we go!

Immigration. This is an issue near and dear to my heart. My family immigrated to the United States over 100 years ago. They came here from Sweden, Ireland, England and other Scandinavian countries. Some of them came legally... others came illegally. However, once they arrived in the U.S.A. they learned the native language (if they didn't already speak it) and they got jobs and did their best to assimilate in to the American "culture". My boyfriend, John's family came from Italy. They came not too long ago and were met with great hardships. They were treated cruelly by some because of their Italian heritage and had difficulty finding work. They however worked hard, learned English and started their own businesses and became part of the American culture. In fact... they assimilated so well that my boyfriend, who is 1st generation doesn't even speak Italian! (which I think is a shame)

So here it is.. 2009. My family only speaks English, John's family only speaks English, because well after all English is the language spoken in the USA and that is where I live. So can someone tell me why it is that when I want to apply to a job (almost any job) it is necessary that I am bi-lingual in Spanish? I am in no way saying that the illegal immigrants are taking jobs away from me. They are not. I would not work in the positions they fill. I am however growing increasingly annoyed that I am forced to learn a language of someone who for the most part makes no effort to learn the language of my country.

I get it. I have studied abroad. When you arrive in a place where you don't speak the language it can be scary. It can be downright terrifying. But... with minimal effort you can begin to learn the language. Yet... when that country caters to you and translates everything in to your native language. Hires only those who can speak to you in your native language and even devotes entire television stations to your native language... where is the incentive? There is none. It has become unnecessary to learn English to live in America. Its not just spanish either. There are complete villages by me in which signs are posted in Chinese and English.

For those of you that know me this may all come as a surprise. I love diversity. I celebrate differences. I love different cultures and I love learning from those with different back grounds. But in my job search, I have become increasingly annoyed by the special treatment given to those who refuse to even attempt to learn English. I know right now off the top of my head many people who have come to America from ALL parts of the world. Some of these people have come here without knowing any English, others came here knowing a little. It amazes me how some of them have struggled and taken classes and practiced and learned English... while others who ignorantly hold themselves back by choosing to not learn English. I am willing to take in to account that languages don't come easy to everyone. But I refuse to believe that you could want to live or feel comfortable living in a country for over ten years without learning to express yourself in their language!

I would like to note that I believe it is important to speak more than one language. For years now children all over Europe have learned English and French as second languages. I think those who are bi-lingual have an advantage in life. I'm just saying that I'm tired of people coming to this country and not even trying to be part of it. Hell we need them. We need their different life histories. We need their experience and knowledge. They are the part of the melting pot that is so beautiful. So buck up and learn English. Seriously!

Big Temple Wedding

I was surprised to see this secret on Post Secret this week.
 
My Mormon Mother was too busy crying

Because I wasn't getting married in the temple

to help me get ready on my wedding day.

I wish I could upload the picture of this secret but I am momentarily handicap. If you would like to see it please go to www.postsecret.com


Not surprised by the secret at all... but surprised at how it seems to fit me right now. I'm packing my bags now to go to Salt Lake for the wedding of my little sister. She is great. I love her. But I'm so bummed that I won't be able to see her wedding. Don't get me wrong... I couldn't be more proud of her. This is what she wants. I completely support her decision to get married in the temple. I'm just heart broken that I won't be able to see the wedding. 

Today it was brought to my attention that my parents are concerned at the things I may say while waiting outside of the temple for my sister and her new husband to turn up. The things I could say:

"Wow. Family huh? Nice families are together... when I'm outside at my own sister's wedding".
"This sucks. I flew 2,000 miles to see my sister's wedding... and I'm left standing outside".
"Stupid wedding anyway".
"Those jerks never accepted me anyway".
"Saddest day of my life is my sister's happiest".
"I wonder what they are doing in there... I hope they all come out alive".
"Anyone want a breathmint"?
"Did you see the last Big Love episode"?
"I wonder how many wives Heather's husband will marry". (By the way... Mormons don't really take on plural wives anymore... but there are real live polygamist in Utah.)

The list could go on. But instead what I'll probably say:
"Wow. I can't believe that my baby sister is getting married. I really wish I could see the wedding. But I know she will be happy and I'm proud of her for how far she has come". 

I am a little insulted that my parents would even think that I would handle the difficult situation with anything less than pure class. This battle between me and "The Church" has been going on for a long time... and I'm sure it will continue for many years from now. So I guess this will be one of the first big tests.  My whole life I have felt that my parents loved their religion more than they love me. They never asked me how my life was going or what I was interested in. The always asked me if I was attending church or if I was praying or reading my scriptures. This hurt. Hurt me so much that I am still dealing with my issues from it. I knew my place in their lives: Church, then Jessica. I truly hope that one day when I have children I will be more kind to them.

After discussing my feelings with my Father, he gave me the predicted response, "Well Jessica, you know how it works. You could have been there if you wanted too."

All I can say is, "WOW". Wish me luck. I'm seriously going to need it dodging the, "Why aren't you married yet, you old maid" and "How do you like your ward on the east coast" type of questions. All of this without an ounce of alcohol! I deserve a medal.

Officially Crazy

Thats it. I am officially crazy. There is no other explanation. I am not pregnant or going through menopause. But I sure am crying for no reason. Not sleeping and at the wrong look from anyone I am bound to burst in to tears. 

I'm so tired. I just want to go to Italy and live on a vineyard. So maybe that is where I will be. 

You racist b*tch!

Hi... so I had one of the weirdest things happen to me today. I work in a very interesting place. In my office there are people from all walks of life. One of my favorite people in my office is Sharlene. She is rad. She and I could not be more opposite. She lives in Paterson, which, if you know NJ is not necessarily the best place to be on any day. Especially if you are white like me. But Sharlene and I have so much fun together. 

Most days Sharlene and I have lunch together. Today was one of those days. We were eating in the kitchen of our office when in walked this "classy, upper class" white woman. She has always been very nice and complimentary to me, but today I saw a very ugly side of her. As Sharlene and I were sitting there the other woman was making small talk. Then all of a sudden she turned to me and said, "You're so smart. Why are you hanging out with that one"? I was not only embarrassed for this woman, but mad as hell. I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Oh I know she is, but Sharlene hangs out with me so that I'll feel cool". You'd think by that, the woman would have gotten the clue and shut up. But no... she looked straight at me and pointed at me, "Oh no... I'm talking to you, you are too smart for her". I basically stopped looking at this woman and just sat there in wonderment. Sharlene and I were dumbfounded. 

So what... Shar and I grew up on opposite sides of the track. We had different struggle in our lives, and we've had different experiences. But somehow we relate to each other so well. She is such an awesome woman and has come so far. I'm so proud of her. For me to hear that woman belittle her hurt me so much. It was not fair, completely inappropriate and so racist. 

I guess that ever day we still must continue to learn and grow. I'm so thankful to my parents for moving to Denver when I was young. I was the only white girl in my class in first grade. Because of that I learned that we were all the same. My time there showed me that it truly did not matter if I was white or black. They say that racism is taught and I truly believe that. I hope that I'm able to teach my children to love and accept everyone for who they are, and not based upon the color of their skin. 

In breaking news... John and I are no longer fighting. I am head over heals. Great match for me! :) J+J FOREVER! ha

I just want to know today

...that maybe I will be ok. So this week I have not slept much. I've been super tired during the day and then I feel so alive at night. Its been weird to say the least. Its almost like I'm on London time or something. I can't explain it but it isn't very fun. Last night I drove to Edgewater. Its this little town in New Jersey just before the GWB (George Washington Bridge) and next to Ft. Lee. From Edgewater you can see all of Manhattan just across the Hudson.

While I was there at my place I felt so at peace. I'm able to think clearly from my spot. Life doesn't seem so hard and I am reminded why I came back here. I love NYC. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to live so close. Sure, I would love to live in the city and maybe in due time I can, but for now I'm just happy to be close to it. I'm still waiting to hear about the job. They emailed me the other day and said that they really like me and will be making their final decision on March 6th. So I'll have news hopefully by the end of next week. If I don't get the job I'll feel so dumb, but I'll let you all know. 

For now I think we should just kiss and say goodbye... cause I'm tired!

I need the values and talents of every American!

Last night as I listened to President Obama, I took a moment and smiled. It hit me last night more than it has at any other moment of his presidency... we elected him. For years I followed this man and read his speeches and watched Youtube videos of rallies. He always knows how to take my breath away. President Barack Obama. Just the sound of that brings a smile to my face. 

A little over a year ago I was at a loss. I didn't have much hope for my future or that of my country. Last night as I watched the Congress stand up and down, I was hit with a burst of hope. Pres. Obama has that amazing talent to give hope in every speech. He was speaking to Congress... but every American felt like he was addressing them personally. I wanted to stand up and applaud him myself. He is truly a great man, and a great leader. We can get through this as a country, as a family. We just have to rely on the things that make America so great. 

So here I sit tonight alone in my room. I had a rough day... been having them lately. I haven't been sleeping. Too many things on my mind. I miss my Grandma, I miss my dog (leaving her with my sister-even temporarily is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do), I miss my sister, I miss my girls. John and I are fighting. I don't even know what we're fighting about, but it isn't helping my current mood. I'm stressed. Stressed to the abso-fuckin-lutely absolute heights. 

I left all that I had... left it and moved 2,000 miles away from everything I ever knew. I'm grateful that my home sold when it did-yet it somehow seems ironic that after being a home owner I'm living in the room of a home occupied by my friend and her parents. I need a job. I heard from the USTA yesterday, they will be making their decision by the end of next week... but until then I'm so stressed. 

I have a simple wish. I want a job that will pay me enough to enable me to get my own place. I want a simple home. I want a place that I can bring my Abbey. I want to come home to her at the end of the day. It is tearing me apart to be away from her. I want a space for John and I to have simplicity. Things now in both our living situations make it difficult for us to spend much time alone. 

And to top it off the Kardashians have a pet monkey. WTF?

Best Picture

So yesterday I went with my friend Sara, to an all day Best Picture Showcase. It was one of the coolest things I've ever been able to do concerning the Oscars. It started at 10:30 in the morning and ended around 11:30 at night! We watched back to back all five Best Picture nominees. 

The order in which we watched them:

Milk

The Reader

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Slumdog Millionaire

Frost/Nixon

I'd only seen The Reader and Slumdog Millionaire previously. I was so happy to be able to watch all five nominees like this because I felt like I was really able to lay them all down on the table and really decide who I thought deserved the nod for Best Picture. 

By now the Oscars are over... and this post is obsolete... but I was going to pick Slumdog and Slumdog got it. haha I think I'll write about all of the movies tomorrow. I'm way too tired tonight. 

RIP

My great grandma passed away today. She was 90.... so she definitely had a full life. I'm just sad that I live too far away to attend the funeral. I'm going to be home next month for my sister's wedding... so I really can't swing another trip home this weekend. 

I'm lost for words. Just wanted to say that I loved my Great Grandma. I have some really fond memories of her. When I was young she had a beauty shop off of her house. Every time I went to visit her she would do my hair. I loved it!!! My Mother wonders why I like pampering myself so much... but she is the one that took me to a beauty salon as a toddler. haha

Life is short... or is it long? Hard to tell. 

I wish I had a picture to post here of her. She was great. I love you Grandma... and sorry for all the naughty things you're going to see me doing now that you are a ghost. 

Update!

Ok... so one more big interview on Friday at 2pm EST. Please cross your fingers!!! The interview is going to be me and the other person that they would like to hire with me and the two people we will be working with. I guess they want to make sure that we all like each other and can work together. The guy told me that they really like me and have a good feeling about me. 

I'm finally coming out of my funk and so life is good again. Thank god! I was really getting tired of driving over bridges and thinking about jumping off. 

We're off to see the Wizard!

So for as much as I'd really like to make sooo many comments about the previous post... I'm going to go ahead and ignore it. 

Today I had my second interview with USTA. It went so well! I was led in to an office by a nice lady and once inside I looked up to see Wizard of Oz paraphernalia. I took that as a good sign. She told me not to be nervous because this wasn't an interview. She merely wanted to make sure that I knew what I was getting in to. haha So... I don't want to get too excited because they want me to meet one more person that I will be working closely with and make sure that we gel... but I think I've got it! 

Finally I feel like things in my life are starting to work out. This job will really put me on the track for my life that I have been waiting for. Sure... sure nothing in my plans have made any sense lately... but sometimes it sure is time for a change of plan. I'm not completely counting out grad school... it just seems like after all of the obstacles that I've faced it may not be time for me to go right now. Life is sure crazy and full of surprises. haha

WTF

Facebook update:

Reggie Hobbs is now married.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFF

Hurray!!!

So today was AWESOME! I woke up at 5:30 in such an excitement that I couldn't really get back to sleep. I decided to reread about the USTA (U.S. Tennis Association) and the U.S. Open. There are so many exciting things going on in tennis and I really hope I get a chance to be involved in the events this year. 

I left work around 11:30 and took a nice drive out to Queens. It turned out to be a little bit of a pain in the ass because of the insanely crazy wind directly from Chicago. The police were limiting the amount of cars on the White Stone Bridge and that had traffic backed up! I finally got to the new Citi Field!!! I was so excited to see the Mets new home! I almost forgot about my interview... but I managed to pull down my excitement long enough to find the Tennis Center. 

After getting lost only once in the huge Sports Complex... i made my way to my interview. It went so well. I hit it off with my interviewer right away. I talked about my experiences and he told me a little about the job and what I'd be doing. Two hours later... the interview ended. It was soooo awesome! I've never had an interview go so long. I go back in on Monday for a second interview so I will definitely keep you posted! What a good day!!! Only... seriously I'm going to have to take the train or I will be paying like $100 in tolls a week! 

 

There's Hope....

Ok... so you can probably tell if you read my blog or know me at all... life has not been the greatest lately. Well yesterday I got some semi-bad news from a job that I've been working at for the past 90 days. You see... I've been working as a "temp" in the hopes that after 90 days they would be able to hire me. Well the economy decided to bite everyone in the ass... so unfortunately the company is in the middle of a hiring freeze. At first I was kinda bummed. I even cried a little... but after I stopped crying... I realized it was the push I needed. 

My great friend MaryAnne took me out to dinner and beer last night to drowned my sorrows. MaryAnne is so positive that I didn't really have time to feel bad for myself... instead she gave me a great pep talk. I took today off from the "temp" job to search for jobs. Well on Monday I had applied for this job with the U.S. Open. I'll get to that in a minute... so I spent my day getting organized and applying for several jobs. My attitude today just changed... the sun was out and it was warm and I made it to the gym. At 5 pm I got a call from the USTA (U.S. Tennis Association)! I have an interview with them tomorrow at 2. Cross your fingers... do a dance. I want this job. I am so qualified for this job. I need this job! 

I heard this great India. Arie called, There's Hope. You should check it out if you are feeling blue or sad. Great beat and wonderful message. I'll keep you posted about the job... I hope this is it. This would really be a fantastic opportunity for me. 

Losing Touch

I haven't blogged in so long. Truthfully I've been in a bit of a funk. Things in my life have just not gone my way the past couple of months. The things that have happened have left me questioning myself and questioning my entire life. The one thing that has gone right is that I have a great boyfriend. He is supportive and loving and kind. But as we all know... when one thing in your life is going well... other aspects can't. It is just a rule in the universe. 

First: I moved out here to go to grad school. Nothing about me going to grad school has been easy. I have jumped through hoops. I've decided that I will not be going to Seton Hall. I'm too tired to deal with their bull shit. I'm now in the process of applying to be a matriculated student at William Paterson. They have a good program and I'll be able to get my Masters in International Relations. The problem I have now... do I really want to go to grad school? 

A) I love learning. I love studying International Relations and I love knowing and understanding the world. 

B) I miss sports. I miss the fun and all the hard work of putting on a game and an event. I miss working in something where I can be creative. 

Second: I feel like relationships I've had all my life (or for a long time) are falling apart, or were never really that strong to begin with. This has been a realization that I've discovered from reading things on Facebook and on blogs. People who I thought were good friends have become people I once knew. Part of this is my fault, as I'm not the best at keeping in touch with people, and part of it is because I've burned so many bridges, mostly accidental. I'm so far from my family now... I think they have forgotten about me. 

Third: My little sister is getting married. My 20 year old sister. Its not funny, its not cute, its damn depressing. I don't know if anyone can understand how or why I feel like this. I'm not proud to admit it, but I am embarrassed, hurt, confused and angry at the universe. I am so happy for her, but it seems like it shouldn't be happening. I watched most of my best friends get married and I was ok, I was even happy for them. But now that my little 20 year old sister is getting married and I have to fly 2,000 miles to stand outside of the wedding, I am less than thrilled. I know the barrage of questions I will have to answer, the whispers and the glances I will have to endure. I don't know why I was raised in a culture that is so judgmental and mean. 

Fourth: My job sucks. I am so happy to have a job, so I can't complain too much. But I really think it sucks. I have a degree... and this is what I'm doing? It just doesn't make sense. I need a job that lets me use my creativity and my passion. Instead I'm paying Dr.'s for using and pushing the drug I represent. 

Fifth: I'm sure some smarmy person out there is reading this and thinking that I just need an attitude adjustment. They are probably right, but its winter and I'm depressed and I'm trying to figure out all of the things that are bothering me. 

Its going to be 40 degrees today. I think I should take the train in to the city and go to some of the places I love. That will remind me of why I'm here. I know that moving back to Utah is not the answer for me. There is nothing there for me. I just need to figure out what my next move should be. I sure as hell hope I figure it out soon. I'm not getting any younger. 

When I grow up I want to be John's girlfriend....

Tonight my heart is so full of love. Yes I know it sounds a little like a song from Les Mis... but it is what it is. After my terrible New Year's Eve post I was swept off my feat at a party thrown by one of John's best friends in Hoboken. John has the greatest friends. Not as great as mine of course... but they were so cool. All night we laughed and they included me in their conversations and games. I even got to hear some funny stories about John as a teenager. 

John and I were able to spend a lot of time together during the break and it made me realize a lot of things. 1. I have been through a lot of shit with men in my life. My experiences have made me who I am today and I'm pretty proud of who I've become. 2. Almost every relationship I ever had was purely sex driven. I'm sorry to confess that on here in case it comes as a shock to anyone... but my past "boyfriends" have not been very nice. I'm finally with a man who respects and loves me... and its about time! 

Furthermore, I'm scared. I'm about to embark on one of the scariest adventures of my life. I'm going to Grad school. Me? Grad school! It.Is.Very.Scary. and unbelievable. If someone would have told me two years ago that I'd be back in New Jersey getting ready to start grad school I would have laughed. I can hardly believe that the dream of becoming a diplomat is on its way to being realized. For this I have myself to thank... but also I have John to thank. I can truly say that without him none of this would have been made possible. I'm equally as happy to realize that with him by my side nothing is impossible. 

For anyone reading this and throwing up in their mouths I have to say... I deserve this. I have been through the ringer. I've had liars and cheaters and abusers and just the worst possible men in my life. So I'm sorry for blah blah blahing about my wonderful boyfriend... but when I grow up I want to be John's girlfriend. :) 

I had a really nice Christmas break. I was able to see my family and my best girls! :) It was all so overwhelming I don't know if I have the strength to blog about it... but it was nice.