I was surprised to see this secret on Post Secret this week.
 
My Mormon Mother was too busy crying
Because I wasn't getting married in the temple
to help me get ready on my wedding day.
I wish I could upload the picture of this secret but I am momentarily handicap. If you would like to see it please go to www.postsecret.com
Not surprised by the secret at all... but surprised at how it seems to fit me right now. I'm packing my bags now to go to Salt Lake for the wedding of my little sister. She is great. I love her. But I'm so bummed that I won't be able to see her wedding. Don't get me wrong... I couldn't be more proud of her. This is what she wants. I completely support her decision to get married in the temple. I'm just heart broken that I won't be able to see the wedding.
Today it was brought to my attention that my parents are concerned at the things I may say while waiting outside of the temple for my sister and her new husband to turn up. The things I could say:
"Wow. Family huh? Nice families are together... when I'm outside at my own sister's wedding".
"This sucks. I flew 2,000 miles to see my sister's wedding... and I'm left standing outside".
"Stupid wedding anyway".
"Those jerks never accepted me anyway".
"Saddest day of my life is my sister's happiest".
"I wonder what they are doing in there... I hope they all come out alive".
"Anyone want a breathmint"?
"Did you see the last Big Love episode"?
"I wonder how many wives Heather's husband will marry". (By the way... Mormons don't really take on plural wives anymore... but there are real live polygamist in Utah.)
The list could go on. But instead what I'll probably say:
"Wow. I can't believe that my baby sister is getting married. I really wish I could see the wedding. But I know she will be happy and I'm proud of her for how far she has come".
I am a little insulted that my parents would even think that I would handle the difficult situation with anything less than pure class. This battle between me and "The Church" has been going on for a long time... and I'm sure it will continue for many years from now. So I guess this will be one of the first big tests. My whole life I have felt that my parents loved their religion more than they love me. They never asked me how my life was going or what I was interested in. The always asked me if I was attending church or if I was praying or reading my scriptures. This hurt. Hurt me so much that I am still dealing with my issues from it. I knew my place in their lives: Church, then Jessica. I truly hope that one day when I have children I will be more kind to them.
After discussing my feelings with my Father, he gave me the predicted response, "Well Jessica, you know how it works. You could have been there if you wanted too."
All I can say is, "WOW". Wish me luck. I'm seriously going to need it dodging the, "Why aren't you married yet, you old maid" and "How do you like your ward on the east coast" type of questions. All of this without an ounce of alcohol! I deserve a medal.
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5 comments:
I think you'd be justified saying any of those things, but I know you wouldn't. You are one classy bitch. Reading this blog breaks my heart. I'd love to talk to you about it in person. Hopefully while you're in town :). I love you.
The best way to battle religion is to, well, not. So many of us have gone through this. I remember (and loathe) the days.
You will be amazing. You will stand outside, and smile that gorgeous smile, and fake it til ya make it. Because that is what we "outsiders" do.
You do deserve a medal -- in the form of a metal flask :)
I right there with you. I too have had to stand outside my fair share of weddings. But I promise you won't have to stand outside mine, because you'll be standing by me. :) You should get a flask. PS is who needs religion when you are a founding member of teh "WE WIN WE WIN CLUB"
Hilarious, but my little sister found your blog and gave me the link.. because that was MY post secret! I made it! I would tell you who I am, but after all post secrets are Anonymous:) Hang in there.. it sucks being the black sheep.. but sucks more to fake a being "happy in the church", right:)
I can't even believe I missed the last comment on this post! The same person that made the post card saw my post. How cool is the internet?! I wish I could give you a big hug. I would have loved to help you get ready for your wedding. I don't know why... but I feel like maybe I know you. :)
In the end I survived my sister's wedding. She was beautiful-but I was terribly sad that I didn't get to witness it. I was able to slip a little note in to her wedding gown bag and she read it while she was getting ready. When she came out of the temple I was the first person she hugged.
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