Sunday, August 31, 2008


Life is good. I've realized a lot of things in the last twenty four hours and its been very good for me. Life is not a speed race...its a a slow journey. There is always time to take a step back and slow down. Recently I met someone that has been very good for me. It is the most mature and adult relationship that I have ever been in.

We both have baggage...and we both have things we need to work out. It is so nice to have someone in my life that reminds me of this. He is supportive and allows me space and time to figure things out on my own. I have to give him a little space and time right now. He is dealing with a lot of crap...crap that has nothing to do with me.

Sometimes I get scared. I get scared of the things in my past and sometimes the fears of my past make me scared for my future. But I have to listen to my dear friend Julie who told me that I have to let go of my past in order to open the new doors in my future.

I have no idea what to do in my life. I'm not where I thought I would be...I'm not doing what I thought I would be doing...and I'm not even dating who I thought I would be dating. Life has completely turned upside down. Its not a bad thing...and I'm trying to make the most of it, but sometimes I get a little frustrated and a little down. Just trying to deal with things.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

How to Recognize a Good Guy when you see him

This is from an old issue of O Magazine :

You want a man who can make you laugh when you're down and who laughs with you when you're up, a man who listens and asks questions and responds.

A man who rubs your feet to put you to sleep and who goes out for the café mochas when you have to stay up and who knows that on those working all-nighters the answer to any question involving whip cream is always yes.

You want a man who will wash your hair, who'll cook you dinner, who'll talk to your Father on the phone when you can't bear to, who'll read to you on trips, and who's happy when you read (or sing or dance) for him.

You want a man who when he finds out that there are $199 fares to Kona suggests you go with your best girlfriend while he stays home and takes care of your dog. You want a man who will drive that same dog around all night when he is hallucinating and howling after the vet gave him too much post surgical morphine, because you are up for a promotion and have an interview with the dean at 8 a.m.

You want a man who loves many things: his work, his landscape, a sports team,
and his friends.

You want a man who knows that love is not a pie, that sex is not a sport, that faith
(in the world, in each other) is a little like a full-time job.

You want a man who knows that women have a secret, and even though he can't know what it is, he is smart enough to want to live in its light.

Most important, you want a man who can continue to surprise you, for a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, which is to say a man who has a big imagination, and who is willing to use it to win your heart. -P.H.


this is the most awesome day of my life.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Whatever You like

Can someone please come in to my life with loads of money and tell me that I can have whatever I like? Reggie and I play this mafia game on Reggie had so much money he said he would buy me a new car. haha If only!!! Why can't any of the money made in games be real money? Just a thought.

So tonight Allison and I went to the James Blunt/Sheryl Crow concert. It was so fun. I drank so much beer. I will have no problem falling into a deep deep sleep in just a few minutes. So I'm still here in Salt Lake. As August nears to a close...I feel weird.

I'm still breathing....I'm still working and I'm still living in Salt Lake. It isn't at all what I expected. But isn't always what you think it will be. I just don't know what to do until life starts being more like I planned it to be. I guess I need to make the most of it. Doug tells me to enjoy my time here...and really...I'm trying. I absolutely love my friends. I've had so much fun this summer with them. But its time for me to move on.

1. I have to quit my job. I love the people I work with...but I don't make enough money...and its killing me a little.

2. I have to figure out what to do about school. Where should I go to Grad school? Or should I still go?

3. I have to learn how to not be crazy. This will be the hardest of all. But really...I'm working on it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

it don't matter if you're black or white....or does it?

I was raised to think it didn't matter. My parents always taught me to love everyone. So it made me a little sad that my recent news got a bad reaction from my parents. Just a little background...I am very private. Private when it comes to my dating life and my parents. I learned at an early age how critical they could be of those I was I basically had a rule that until I knew how I felt about someone...I wasn't going to tell my parents about him. So fast forward....met someone great. Decided to tell my parents about him.

Well lets just say that he isn't exactly the race or religion that they would like him to be. It was a huge fiasco...until I played one of his voice mails for my parents. After listening to Reggie sing me like 6 Christmas songs...they completely understood why I like him. He's a dork...just like me. I sure don't know what will happen with this relationship...but I'm really enjoying it. No one has made me happier. He is kind, he appreciates me and he understands me.

I just wish that for once my parents would be happy that I'm happy. They have moved past the race thing...sorta....but they have other issues with him...and with me for that matter. Oh well. I am happy and aint nothin gonna get me down.

Friday, August 15, 2008

i think i'm ready...thank you Katy Pery

I Think I'm Ready (Katy Pery)

I'm used to opening my own doors
and splittin' the checkshe introduced me was always just the friend
i bought a new dress he never noticed

Always fallen for these bad boys such a challenge
I'm getting tired of cleaning up after them
i think im ready to be a woman
oh love i think im readyready for it

You were such a suprise an unexpected gift
said i was prettyand i believed it
not really used to all this attention
told myself i don't deserve you
and this is just a phase
could i get used tobeing loved the right way

i wanna argue but there is nothing to say
oh love i think im ready, ready for it(i think im ready)ready for it
oh love i think im ready

Cuz you send me flowers when theres no occasion
yeah, we talk for hours you still want to listen
wont hold it against me
if i just need you to hold me tonight

My mother always told me that you'd show up one day
so scared to feel this way
but love i think im ready,ready for it (ready for it)
ooooo love i think im ready,ready for it (ready for it)
oh love i think im ready

Sunday, August 10, 2008

In the Sprintime of his voodoo...and other confessions

I am ridiculously talk to strangers and tell jokes to little kids happy! I think this is what it must feel like to be in love. About a month ago I was talking to Reggie and I felt this weird swell in my heart. Its a little overwhelming but I am containing the happiness. Life is truly good. I feel so blessed. Its like after all of those horrible...horrible past relationships I have finally found a guy who will treat me the way I deserve. Last weekend he knew I was having a particularly rough day...and he made up tree jokes to tell me. (If you know know how much I love a good tree joke). I told him the other day that I've never been so happy...his response..."good! you deserve it!". I sure do love me some chocolate milk! Shout out to Heidi and Allison.

Although I still haven't sold my condo...I am looking on the bright side of life. There are some people in my life that think that I can only be happy on their terms...and boy are they wrong. I found a "self help" book that I was reading several years ago when I was trying to be happy on "their terms". As I flipped through the pages and read the notes I had written, I realized how sad I was back then. I think the two most important things in life are 1. to be true to yourself and 2. to find a person that loves the you that you love. (thank you Carrie Bradshaw). I'm thinking that maybe I should write a book. my confession....I've been following one of my friends by reading his blog on a weekly basis. I really love this friend and thought he hated me. I have loved hearing about all of the fun he is having in New York and all of the funny things he has to say. Well today as I was catching up with his week...I glanced to the right and saw a link to my blog. It was under a label "blogs I read". I can't tell you how happy this little thing made me.