Bada Bing!

There is something in the air today....maybe its the sun...but I am feeling a little better than yesterday. I think I'm going to contribute it to BASEBALL! The Mets have their first game. After aquiring Santana in the off season...they have a solid team. He's really all we needed to make the team unstoppable. I'm kind of bummed that I won't be able to watch their first game...but very soon (I hope) I'll be able to go to a game in person! In some ways I think I'm so anxious to move back east so I can enjoy the Mets in their last year at Shea stadium. There has always been some sort of magic about Shea....so it will be great to watch their last season in it. I know for certain that I'm anxious to get out of here. Please someone buy my condo. Its cute....and affordable. PLEASE!

Also I decided that I'm going to walk in my graduation. Hey-it took me a long time to get this bachelor's degree....and I think I deserve to be ackowledged for it! haha At first I was feeling a little nervous about graduation because of what happened on the day of my highschool graduation...but I think this year everything is under control. (For those of you that don't know what happened on the day of high school graduation....my grandma had a stroke and died a few days later). It took me ten years to get my bachelors...and in two I'll have my masters! It has been a long ride. I've been through so many things personally, physically, mentally, financially, and I've changed my major a million times. I've studied at four different universities, five if you include the one in Italy. I started out as a theater major....and I am graduating as an International Studies major. Its kind of insane. :) My goals have changed along the way....but I feel like I'm very settled in my decision now. I have learned more about myself than most people learn on their path to obtain their bachelors, most likely because its taken me so long.

I do have to give a shout out to John. I really don't think this day would be here yet if it wasn't for him. He kept pushing me to get my degree. He is helping me to finish all of my started projects. He's such an important person in my life. I wish he could be at my graduation....but he will be there when I get my masters-so that will be ok.

writing it all off....

I am so done. I have never felt so trapped before. Trapped by so many things and nothing seems to be going right. I am so tired. Mostly tired of pretending to care about things. Tired of pretending that I love helping guests, tired of pretending that I love doing anything that I don't want to do. (Which is a lot lately) Maybe its all the gloomy cold weather, or maybe its just curtains for me.

I'm sorry for being such a downer. You don't have to read my blog though...if you find it annoying.

gossip......

so....it really isn't a good idea to say bad things about people. even if they are true. unfortunately it can come back to you...and it isn't fun to appologize for saying those bad things about people. its strange because in highschool i never really gossiped. but somehow....i've picked it up. i'm totally appologetic. it isn't nice to gossip....i've had some really nasty things said about me in the past year...and knowing how it feels... i'd like to say sorry on here. i'm sorry for saying anything negative about anyone. it really isn't my business to judge. my goal for the next stage in my life is to not gossip. seriously....it makes people look like losers to gossip because then it means that someone else is more interesting than you are. haha again...i'm sorry. probably the people that i've talked about don't read this, but i'm putting it out there in the universe. i'm sorry.

tired.....

i'm so tired of being alone and having no one to go to dinner with. fucking tired.

Gypsies tramps and thieves....

so i took a little drive...on monday i wanted some cheese curds. so i decided to drive 3 hours away to beaver. once I got to beaver...i decided i would drive another hour and a half to st. george to see my friend jason. so on tuesday morning i woke up in st. george and decided...why not drive to vegas. so that is what i did. driving all that way alone gave me plenty of time to think. the biggest thing i realized is that the road from salt lake to vegas is full of gypsies...tramps and thieves. the truck drivers i consider gypsies. they travel to and fro with their heavy cargo. sometimes they think its important to pull right in front of you forcing you to slam on your breaks. i disagree...but i learned that many of them feel it is a good thing. the tramps can be seen at every rest stop and gas station along the way. i couldn't believe the make up on some of the gas station employees...and their disgusting excuses for toilets. i have no idea what goes on in some of those rest stops...and i don't want to know. the thieves are a little bit harder to see. but i like to think of the policemen along the way as thieves. they hold that little black hairdryer at you and suddenly you owe them your soul. luckily i didn't have any encounters with the thieves. all in all it was a pretty good trip. i bought some new shoes and ate at in 'n out. oh and i did get some cheese curds, which abbey practically ate all of because i stupidly left her in the car alone with the bag while i went to the bathroom. i have no idea why my dog likes cheese so much...but she sure does.

Someday....

So I have to admit that sometimes I feel pretty lonely. I know it seems silly...but living alone or with a room mate who is rarely home can be very lonely. I guess I'm at that point in my life where I want to have someone to share it with. I'm tired of waking up alone every morning...and trying to fall asleep alone at night. These are some true secret confessions I'm sharing here, so keep that in mind as you snicker at me. I have a wonderful dog, but I wish she could talk. Sometimes you just want to hear someone else's voice. I have a lot ahead of me...and much of it will be alone. I just hope that in the near future I will have someone by my side on a more regular basis, and if not...I will have my Stewy! I'm so excited to live near my Stewart. Every girl needs one-so go and get one today. But don't try and share mine....I don't share well. haha

marriage...

You know...after working in the hotel industry for so long...I've started to lose faith in marriage. I hear men complaining about their nagging wives and then they go out on the "town". I'm just becoming disenchanted with it all. So I think I'm going to marry myself. I never nag at myself and I'm never tempted to cheat on me. I've been alone this long...whats the rest of my life?

peace out.