You racist b*tch!

Hi... so I had one of the weirdest things happen to me today. I work in a very interesting place. In my office there are people from all walks of life. One of my favorite people in my office is Sharlene. She is rad. She and I could not be more opposite. She lives in Paterson, which, if you know NJ is not necessarily the best place to be on any day. Especially if you are white like me. But Sharlene and I have so much fun together. 

Most days Sharlene and I have lunch together. Today was one of those days. We were eating in the kitchen of our office when in walked this "classy, upper class" white woman. She has always been very nice and complimentary to me, but today I saw a very ugly side of her. As Sharlene and I were sitting there the other woman was making small talk. Then all of a sudden she turned to me and said, "You're so smart. Why are you hanging out with that one"? I was not only embarrassed for this woman, but mad as hell. I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Oh I know she is, but Sharlene hangs out with me so that I'll feel cool". You'd think by that, the woman would have gotten the clue and shut up. But no... she looked straight at me and pointed at me, "Oh no... I'm talking to you, you are too smart for her". I basically stopped looking at this woman and just sat there in wonderment. Sharlene and I were dumbfounded. 

So what... Shar and I grew up on opposite sides of the track. We had different struggle in our lives, and we've had different experiences. But somehow we relate to each other so well. She is such an awesome woman and has come so far. I'm so proud of her. For me to hear that woman belittle her hurt me so much. It was not fair, completely inappropriate and so racist. 

I guess that ever day we still must continue to learn and grow. I'm so thankful to my parents for moving to Denver when I was young. I was the only white girl in my class in first grade. Because of that I learned that we were all the same. My time there showed me that it truly did not matter if I was white or black. They say that racism is taught and I truly believe that. I hope that I'm able to teach my children to love and accept everyone for who they are, and not based upon the color of their skin. 

In breaking news... John and I are no longer fighting. I am head over heals. Great match for me! :) J+J FOREVER! ha

I just want to know today

...that maybe I will be ok. So this week I have not slept much. I've been super tired during the day and then I feel so alive at night. Its been weird to say the least. Its almost like I'm on London time or something. I can't explain it but it isn't very fun. Last night I drove to Edgewater. Its this little town in New Jersey just before the GWB (George Washington Bridge) and next to Ft. Lee. From Edgewater you can see all of Manhattan just across the Hudson.

While I was there at my place I felt so at peace. I'm able to think clearly from my spot. Life doesn't seem so hard and I am reminded why I came back here. I love NYC. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to live so close. Sure, I would love to live in the city and maybe in due time I can, but for now I'm just happy to be close to it. I'm still waiting to hear about the job. They emailed me the other day and said that they really like me and will be making their final decision on March 6th. So I'll have news hopefully by the end of next week. If I don't get the job I'll feel so dumb, but I'll let you all know. 

For now I think we should just kiss and say goodbye... cause I'm tired!

I need the values and talents of every American!

Last night as I listened to President Obama, I took a moment and smiled. It hit me last night more than it has at any other moment of his presidency... we elected him. For years I followed this man and read his speeches and watched Youtube videos of rallies. He always knows how to take my breath away. President Barack Obama. Just the sound of that brings a smile to my face. 

A little over a year ago I was at a loss. I didn't have much hope for my future or that of my country. Last night as I watched the Congress stand up and down, I was hit with a burst of hope. Pres. Obama has that amazing talent to give hope in every speech. He was speaking to Congress... but every American felt like he was addressing them personally. I wanted to stand up and applaud him myself. He is truly a great man, and a great leader. We can get through this as a country, as a family. We just have to rely on the things that make America so great. 

So here I sit tonight alone in my room. I had a rough day... been having them lately. I haven't been sleeping. Too many things on my mind. I miss my Grandma, I miss my dog (leaving her with my sister-even temporarily is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do), I miss my sister, I miss my girls. John and I are fighting. I don't even know what we're fighting about, but it isn't helping my current mood. I'm stressed. Stressed to the abso-fuckin-lutely absolute heights. 

I left all that I had... left it and moved 2,000 miles away from everything I ever knew. I'm grateful that my home sold when it did-yet it somehow seems ironic that after being a home owner I'm living in the room of a home occupied by my friend and her parents. I need a job. I heard from the USTA yesterday, they will be making their decision by the end of next week... but until then I'm so stressed. 

I have a simple wish. I want a job that will pay me enough to enable me to get my own place. I want a simple home. I want a place that I can bring my Abbey. I want to come home to her at the end of the day. It is tearing me apart to be away from her. I want a space for John and I to have simplicity. Things now in both our living situations make it difficult for us to spend much time alone. 

And to top it off the Kardashians have a pet monkey. WTF?

Best Picture

So yesterday I went with my friend Sara, to an all day Best Picture Showcase. It was one of the coolest things I've ever been able to do concerning the Oscars. It started at 10:30 in the morning and ended around 11:30 at night! We watched back to back all five Best Picture nominees. 

The order in which we watched them:

Milk

The Reader

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Slumdog Millionaire

Frost/Nixon

I'd only seen The Reader and Slumdog Millionaire previously. I was so happy to be able to watch all five nominees like this because I felt like I was really able to lay them all down on the table and really decide who I thought deserved the nod for Best Picture. 

By now the Oscars are over... and this post is obsolete... but I was going to pick Slumdog and Slumdog got it. haha I think I'll write about all of the movies tomorrow. I'm way too tired tonight. 

RIP

My great grandma passed away today. She was 90.... so she definitely had a full life. I'm just sad that I live too far away to attend the funeral. I'm going to be home next month for my sister's wedding... so I really can't swing another trip home this weekend. 

I'm lost for words. Just wanted to say that I loved my Great Grandma. I have some really fond memories of her. When I was young she had a beauty shop off of her house. Every time I went to visit her she would do my hair. I loved it!!! My Mother wonders why I like pampering myself so much... but she is the one that took me to a beauty salon as a toddler. haha

Life is short... or is it long? Hard to tell. 

I wish I had a picture to post here of her. She was great. I love you Grandma... and sorry for all the naughty things you're going to see me doing now that you are a ghost. 

Update!

Ok... so one more big interview on Friday at 2pm EST. Please cross your fingers!!! The interview is going to be me and the other person that they would like to hire with me and the two people we will be working with. I guess they want to make sure that we all like each other and can work together. The guy told me that they really like me and have a good feeling about me. 

I'm finally coming out of my funk and so life is good again. Thank god! I was really getting tired of driving over bridges and thinking about jumping off. 

We're off to see the Wizard!

So for as much as I'd really like to make sooo many comments about the previous post... I'm going to go ahead and ignore it. 

Today I had my second interview with USTA. It went so well! I was led in to an office by a nice lady and once inside I looked up to see Wizard of Oz paraphernalia. I took that as a good sign. She told me not to be nervous because this wasn't an interview. She merely wanted to make sure that I knew what I was getting in to. haha So... I don't want to get too excited because they want me to meet one more person that I will be working closely with and make sure that we gel... but I think I've got it! 

Finally I feel like things in my life are starting to work out. This job will really put me on the track for my life that I have been waiting for. Sure... sure nothing in my plans have made any sense lately... but sometimes it sure is time for a change of plan. I'm not completely counting out grad school... it just seems like after all of the obstacles that I've faced it may not be time for me to go right now. Life is sure crazy and full of surprises. haha