Saturday, July 24, 2010

Where do I even begin

As I sit here writing this post I am listening to country music. Yes you heard me right-country music. I don't know why but when I get especially sad and homesick its the only thing I want to listen to. Its funny to me because my parents don't listen to country music, my friends don't really listen to it-but my little sister Heather and my brother, Ben listen to it. So here I am sad, lonely, depressed and kinda scared-listening to some country music. haha I had a wonderful vacation with my Johnny but I wasn't feeling well for most of the trip so it took a lot out of me. I absolutely loved seeing my family and friends! But I am a picture failure! I hardly took any pictures! I'm so mad at myself.

We started the trip in Salt Lake. It was so great to see all of my family minus Heather and Jay (who were greatly missed). I loved introducing them to John. I think I have a great family. They were so welcoming to him and made him feel at home. I was happy to see how well he got along with my dad. I finally got to meet some beautiful babies that I had only met via pictures. Emma and Emily Jane were absolutely gorgeous! I am so happy for my friends and their beautiful babies. It is so fun to see your girls become mommies. I was able to see a lot more people this time that I usually get to see so it was nice. Thanks to Christian, Deanna, Emma, Shannon, Chris, Max, Heidi, Allison, Nicole, Emily Jane, Jason, Debbie, Scott and Bailey for coming to see me and meet my man! I have really gorgeous friends and I really wish I would have taken a group photo to prove it. :) Next time I'll hire my sister to be the photographer. Major fail was I didn't get a picture with my adorable niece Audrey. She is really amazing. I was a little heart broken because she didn't seem to like me very much since she doesn't know me it took her a while to warm up-but in due time she will come to know me as the cool auntie that sends her cool stuff from New York. haha

Overall I think John liked Utah. He thought the mountains were beautiful and he really liked my friends and family. My Grandpa didn't even give him a hard time-so I think he will last. :)

From there we were on to San Fran-I can sum this up in one word FREEZING! We had planned on it being cool there, but they were having a cold front and it was 55 degrees. About half of what it was in NY. I was glad it wasn't hot because I spent most of my days wandering around the city while John was in workshops. It was nice to be in a more relaxed city and enjoyed my quiet time to think and reflect on my life. I also had the chance to see an old friend and it was nice to catch up with her. John didn't propose-which was actually kind of sad. Everyone thought he was going to-so I was totally bummed when he didn't. I know he's waiting to surprise me. At this point he has let so many "perfect" opportunities pass-but we'll see.

To continue on from my previous post- I am still bleeding! The doctor put me on birth control and that managed to make me sick, sorta crazy but didn't manage to stop the bleeding. I had a biopsy on Thursday and she said the lining on my uterus is incredibly thick and she is very concerned about it. She believes its probably pre-cancerous. Unfortunately I had to go to this appointment alone and it was all I could do to get out of there before I sobbed my eyes out. I am scared and I want my Mommy. It sucks to be so far from home especially when something scary happens. Thankfully my darling Deanna has been through all this scary stuff before (unfortunately she has been through it way too many times) but she has been my rock and support in this. I'm so thankful for all of her advice and understanding. John has been wonderful-but he can't always understand what it feels like for a girl.

To top it all off I got a new boss and I really, really, really DISLIKE her. She is awful. My staff hates her. I can't deal with this right now. So I will just ignore her and hope that she goes away.


D and C said...

I love you Jess. Your stronger than you can even understand. I am so glad we got to see you. WE LOVE YOU and hang in there. I am always here for you!!

qawseed778 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

katherine said...

So happy couples!So Sweet!


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