Thursday, January 8, 2009

When I grow up I want to be John's girlfriend....

Tonight my heart is so full of love. Yes I know it sounds a little like a song from Les Mis... but it is what it is. After my terrible New Year's Eve post I was swept off my feat at a party thrown by one of John's best friends in Hoboken. John has the greatest friends. Not as great as mine of course... but they were so cool. All night we laughed and they included me in their conversations and games. I even got to hear some funny stories about John as a teenager. 

John and I were able to spend a lot of time together during the break and it made me realize a lot of things. 1. I have been through a lot of shit with men in my life. My experiences have made me who I am today and I'm pretty proud of who I've become. 2. Almost every relationship I ever had was purely sex driven. I'm sorry to confess that on here in case it comes as a shock to anyone... but my past "boyfriends" have not been very nice. I'm finally with a man who respects and loves me... and its about time! 

Furthermore, I'm scared. I'm about to embark on one of the scariest adventures of my life. I'm going to Grad school. Me? Grad school! It.Is.Very.Scary. and unbelievable. If someone would have told me two years ago that I'd be back in New Jersey getting ready to start grad school I would have laughed. I can hardly believe that the dream of becoming a diplomat is on its way to being realized. For this I have myself to thank... but also I have John to thank. I can truly say that without him none of this would have been made possible. I'm equally as happy to realize that with him by my side nothing is impossible. 

For anyone reading this and throwing up in their mouths I have to say... I deserve this. I have been through the ringer. I've had liars and cheaters and abusers and just the worst possible men in my life. So I'm sorry for blah blah blahing about my wonderful boyfriend... but when I grow up I want to be John's girlfriend. :) 

I had a really nice Christmas break. I was able to see my family and my best girls! :) It was all so overwhelming I don't know if I have the strength to blog about it... but it was nice.