This year its all about me. I don't care how that sounds. I have thought of others most of my life. I'm not going to say that I'm perfect or the kindest or best person... but I think over all I've been less selfish than some. This mood I'm in has me feeling like finishing off this bottle of champagne and blowing off my boyfriend. That really isn't New Years happiness celebration of me... but I'm just not in the mood for it now.
From the moment I started loving it has been one broken heart after another. I guess that is my fault for putting it out there so much but now I feel like my heart is so broken it will take so much tape and glue to fix it permanently. It is so broken that I don't think I'm good for anyone. I am ruined. Destroyed. Unable to love. I have a great boyfriend... we have issues like every relationship.... but he is overall great. I just feel so tired of having to explain everything... why don't men read minds? (I'm being sarcastic... kind of... but seriously. I'm tired! )
For the past couple of years I was starting to think that maybe I was ready to settle down and get married in the next five-ten years... but now I'm starting to rethink that. Men will always let me down. Men will always break my heart and no one knows how to love me. I'm tired of my issues with love. I'm tired of hurting because of another person. I never hurt myself. I'm tired.
So really... Happy F*ckin New Year... seriously... its ok to drink that whole bottle of champagne. I'll see you at the gym in the morning.
3 comments:
Oh, don't give up on love or men, Jessica. You are more deserving than anyone I know. Just proceed with caution. Don't give your whole heart away and make him prove himself first. But don't give up. I love you! 2009 will be your year girlfriend!
Jessica. I admire you so much. You have such an open and honest approach to life. Everything you need in life to be happy you have at this very moment. Everything has a flip side. Relationships and marriage don't solve anything unless the person you are with loves everything you are and does not want to use or change you. If you haven't found that person yet (even though it sounds like you might have) don't allow yourself to suffer over it. F*ck the future. It will never exist the way we want it to. I think you are amazing. Don't be hurting yourself girlfriend. Things are going to be great for you.
Chris and Shannon... You two are amazing! One of my most favorite couples. I think I'm finally coming out of my funk... my life plan has COMPLETELY changed. But I really believe it is for the best. Thank you for the encouragement, love and support. It means ever so much to me! Love you both!
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