Where do I even begin

As I sit here writing this post I am listening to country music. Yes you heard me right-country music. I don't know why but when I get especially sad and homesick its the only thing I want to listen to. Its funny to me because my parents don't listen to country music, my friends don't really listen to it-but my little sister Heather and my brother, Ben listen to it. So here I am sad, lonely, depressed and kinda scared-listening to some country music. haha I had a wonderful vacation with my Johnny but I wasn't feeling well for most of the trip so it took a lot out of me. I absolutely loved seeing my family and friends! But I am a picture failure! I hardly took any pictures! I'm so mad at myself.

We started the trip in Salt Lake. It was so great to see all of my family minus Heather and Jay (who were greatly missed). I loved introducing them to John. I think I have a great family. They were so welcoming to him and made him feel at home. I was happy to see how well he got along with my dad. I finally got to meet some beautiful babies that I had only met via pictures. Emma and Emily Jane were absolutely gorgeous! I am so happy for my friends and their beautiful babies. It is so fun to see your girls become mommies. I was able to see a lot more people this time that I usually get to see so it was nice. Thanks to Christian, Deanna, Emma, Shannon, Chris, Max, Heidi, Allison, Nicole, Emily Jane, Jason, Debbie, Scott and Bailey for coming to see me and meet my man! I have really gorgeous friends and I really wish I would have taken a group photo to prove it. :) Next time I'll hire my sister to be the photographer. Major fail was I didn't get a picture with my adorable niece Audrey. She is really amazing. I was a little heart broken because she didn't seem to like me very much since she doesn't know me it took her a while to warm up-but in due time she will come to know me as the cool auntie that sends her cool stuff from New York. haha

Overall I think John liked Utah. He thought the mountains were beautiful and he really liked my friends and family. My Grandpa didn't even give him a hard time-so I think he will last. :)

From there we were on to San Fran-I can sum this up in one word FREEZING! We had planned on it being cool there, but they were having a cold front and it was 55 degrees. About half of what it was in NY. I was glad it wasn't hot because I spent most of my days wandering around the city while John was in workshops. It was nice to be in a more relaxed city and enjoyed my quiet time to think and reflect on my life. I also had the chance to see an old friend and it was nice to catch up with her. John didn't propose-which was actually kind of sad. Everyone thought he was going to-so I was totally bummed when he didn't. I know he's waiting to surprise me. At this point he has let so many "perfect" opportunities pass-but we'll see.

To continue on from my previous post- I am still bleeding! The doctor put me on birth control and that managed to make me sick, sorta crazy but didn't manage to stop the bleeding. I had a biopsy on Thursday and she said the lining on my uterus is incredibly thick and she is very concerned about it. She believes its probably pre-cancerous. Unfortunately I had to go to this appointment alone and it was all I could do to get out of there before I sobbed my eyes out. I am scared and I want my Mommy. It sucks to be so far from home especially when something scary happens. Thankfully my darling Deanna has been through all this scary stuff before (unfortunately she has been through it way too many times) but she has been my rock and support in this. I'm so thankful for all of her advice and understanding. John has been wonderful-but he can't always understand what it feels like for a girl.

To top it all off I got a new boss and I really, really, really DISLIKE her. She is awful. My staff hates her. I can't deal with this right now. So I will just ignore her and hope that she goes away.

ER-Stat!

Ok, ok so I have to start out by saying that they found nothing wrong with me. Yep... been bleeding for a month straight and nothing is wrong. I'm not even anemic. I was a little bit upset by the way I was treated at the hospital and I'm wondering if other women have felt this way also.

On Sunday morning I passed a big blood clot. Sorry for the details-but its important to the story. It was not only gross, but very scary! After the fact I nearly passed out. I called Deanna in tears and she gave me some great advice. But after we got off the phone I didn't feel so well. I called my boyfriend and I guess my voice scared him. He then called my dear friend Sophie who came running over. Within minutes she had called my doctor's office and the on-call dr. called me back. She told me that I was probably ok, but if I felt weak/or passed out I should go to the hospital. I took a shower and John and Sophie decided I needed urgent care. After my shower I was feeling a little better-but still felt very weak. I went to the hospital and checked in. They heard my details and put me in the ER to lie in a horrible bed and wait. I kept insisting that I was fine and should just leave-John would not have it. My blood was taken and I was left alone. When I told the doctor's my complaint-they seemed to not care. The fact that I'd been bleeding for a month straight meant nothing to them. I felt so stupid for even being there. They then sent me back for a pelvic exam/ultra sound. Richard Simmons came out-seriously I wanted to take a picture of the guy cause he looked just like Richard Simmons-and he says, "So Miss, how far along are you"? At this point I almost fell off the bed. I'M NOT PREGNANT! I nearly shouted this as I looked over at John the look of horror arose. haha But seriously-not pregnant. He said-oh I'm sorry. Wrong chart. Yeah-sure. (These people need to watch what they say-John nearly had a heart attack).

Then after a horribly invasive procedure I was sent back to the ER where I was told that I was fine and there was nothing they could do for me. Now mind you-I have been BLEEDING for over a month. My boyfriend had a hemroid a few months ago and had some blood that freaked him out so he went to the ER. Well he may as well have had a heartattack the way they were going on and on about his "situation". My goodness people-a hemroid is not that big of a deal. A woman bleeding every damn day for a month-is probably a little more f***ing serious. My boyfriend was kept over night they had iv's coming out of his arm and all sorts of bs. Now I'm not saying that I wanted any of the procedures done to me that my boyfriend got... but seriously-I was treated like an idiot for going in, and he was treated like a poor injured boy. GAG ME!

What is it about hospitals taking "men's pain" and making it in to this huge emergency and treating women like we should just suck it up and get over it. I'm so mad.

Blood... not true blood-real blood

So I went to the Dr. yesterday and she took some more blood from me. At this point I think I'm at least anemic. Which really sucks. My poor body nearly passed out yesterday. I'm really hoping its all just stress-but the Dr. did elaborate on the yahoo answer. She said it could be stress, thyroid, fibroids, cysts, pregnancy (very unlikely), oh and cancer. The good news is I'm 30... so most of the time it isn't something crazy serious at 30. The bad news is I'm still bleeding. :( I'm getting an ultra sound on Saturday-sounds fun. I'm more than a little freaked out. I'm so drained physically and emotionally. I think I'm going to eat a big steak tonight!

I might die trying

I'm bleeding... yep. For about a month now I've been bleeding. I'm finally going to the doctor today and boy am I a little scared. It could certainly be stress... but when I googled it the yahoo answer I found said, "You are going to die. Sorry but its true." Really? Damn! I'm too young to die. In other news I ran a 5K! I trained and practiced and nearly ruined my feet running on shoes with a worn tread-but I did it. Hopefully I can get this bleeding to stop so I can run some more in my new trainers. Running is actually pretty fun!

Choices

Everyday we are faced with choices. Some choices have very small consequences, while others have much larger ones. It dawned on me this morning as I returned from my 5:30AM walk that I had just made a good choice to start out my day. And now here I am faced with another choice. Do I go back to bed and get just a little more sleep... or do I get going on my day and get to work early. Each choice will have a consequence-if I go back to bed, I'll get the much needed sleep, but I'll probably then make another bad choice and hit snooze until its absolutely drop dead time to get up. This choice while it is so appealing in many ways... won't really give me a great start to my day. Or I can make the choice to get moving... get to work early, miss traffic.

It seems like every minute of my morning can be broken up in to 30 mins. of time in which I make a choice to do this or that for 30 mins. and then at the end of that time I am forced to make yet another choice. The later it gets in my day and the more work that is piled on top of me... the less control I have to make those choices. It seems while at work... I am making so many choices every minute that before I know it my day is over. I really think that for me... getting up early-working out and having a healthy start to my day has enabled me to make better choices. I seem to have more time with my thoughts and my reflections, and have even found time to read some scripture on most days and its changing me.

I think I will stay up and get going on my day. Its a big day... lots of work to do, and my sister and Abbey will get in this evening. I have to say that last night I was absolutely miserable, sad, depressed, overwhelmed... but the love of my life came over after he got off of a late night at work... and helped me get organized. He is amazing. The answer to so many prayers. I choose him... and thank God that he chooses me.

It's Spring time for Hitler

I've been away for a while. So many things have happened since I last blogged I don't even know where to begin. I have never in my life seen such darkness and such light. So many sad things have happened, while on the other hand so many beautiful things have come to pass.

The most beautiful things have come in small packages this year. One of my amazing best friends and her wonderful husband were finally able to welcome their beautiful daughter Emma Elaine in to their home. They have waited for her so long and now that she is finally here we can all see that she was worth the wait. My heart is so full of love and gratitude that God blessed them to become parents. This is definitely one of the most special and beautiful things that has happened this year. I am so sad that I haven't been able to meet this beautiful new addition, but hope to do so very soon!

The saddest thing that happened was the loss of a sweet little boy, while although he is not little in age (22), he was too young to die. I started babysitting Scott "Superman" Baker when he was about 4 years old. I watched him and his brother Rhett every Saturday morning for several years. I loved this little boy and had a very close bond with his Mother, Debbie. Scott was such a good kid, but had some very hard struggles in life. I am still so very sad at the loss... and even more sad that I wasn't able to attend the funeral. Its times like that it is really hard to be so far from home. The sadness in my heart will take a long time to leave and to heal.

Life is so precious. It seems like we never know when it will end, yet we speak unkind words to those we love. We flip off complete strangers who cut us off, when for all we know they are racing to the hospital to say good bye to a loved one. I've spent so many days driving home from work with tears dripping down my face not having a clue how to make them stop. Its made realize one thing- you never know what someone else is dealing with. Life is fucking hard. Sometimes it is so fun, but other times it is just so shitty. Take time to be a little kinder than necessary. Tip a little more, say thank you and say hi to someone that looks sad.

So many people are fighting on Facebook and Twitter about the new healthcare that passed. I want to just tell them to shut up. Its so hard for me to wrap my head around even caring about some of the things happening in the world around me because I feel so helpless. For the record, I'm happy about every American having a chance at healthcare. I hope my friends without insurance can get what they need. I'd rather pay for an American to go to a Doctor than for someone in a foreign country to go. I'm just tired of people fighting. But I guess it will never end, so I better get used to it.

I'm really feeling so sad and lonely tonight. I wish I knew why. Tomorrow my lovely Abbey is finally coming to live with me again. Angie is bringing her to me. I'm so excited to see my sister and Abbey, but I have this anxious pit in my stomach. What if after all this time, she doesn't love me anymore? Then what will I do?

I used to think that I wouldn't feel sad or lonely once I fell in love with the right guy. But here I am in love with the most amazing guy, and I'm still sad and lonely sometimes. I hate this feeling and I wish I could make it go away. But for now I'll just have to let it lie.

The one sure way to make your day AWESOME!

There are a lot of websites and blogs that I read on a daily basis. But there is one that makes me laugh harder than any other. I'd like to share this site with you. I promise that it will make you laugh out loud. I first have to say that if you've never been to Walmart... you may not get this website immediately-but if you give it a few minutes you will understand the entire essence of Walmart.

To make your day... please go to....www.peopleofwalmart.com

Here is a sneak peak....

Putting It All Out There

Never Forget

It is here again. The day that changed the life of so many people. This is the day that I will always remember. Years from now I will look back on this day with sadness and reverence as I recount the story to my children and grandchildren. I am proud to be an American. I am proud of this country. Because of September 11th I think I hold my loved ones just a little tighter, I forgive a little easier, and I try and love a little more, and anger less. God bless those who lost loved ones on that day, and bless those who are continuing to fight to make a better place for us all.

Booty Call

I just wanted to do a shout out to the girls who got back! I know all my sisters can holla at this one! :) I know its really immature, but seriously.... I couldn't help but take a quick shot to share it all with you. Baby got back!

Clouds in my coffee

What a beautiful day it is! Last Sunday my car kind of exploded.... so all week I've been riding my bike to the train. Its been a nice start to my morning, but the helmet hair is insufferable. I don't like wearing a damn helmet. It is however the law that everyone wear one. I completely agree with this law for children. Their young minds are still developing and trauma to the head can cause permanent damage. But I am an adult... I have a hard head... and I don't like to mess up my hair. My only fear is that one day a car will hit me if I don't wear it and then I'll end up like Stephen Hawking. Does anyone have any ideas about how to not get helmet head in the morning?

Work is going well-but getting completely crazy! I'm interviewing about 5 people per day and I have about 100 more people to hire for Guest Services. I really love my job, but I'm starting to get nervous. Its a seasonal position and after the Open I'm going to have to find a new job. Traditionally they say September is a good month to find a job, but I'm still incredibly nervous about it. We will see what happens. Worse case scenario I may relocate with my Aunt and Uncle in Maryland for a couple of months and then return to prepare for the next Open.

My living situation currently kind of sucks. I have my own space, but I'm supposed to share the kitchen with my roommate and her son. She however doesn't really want me using her kitchen, so I'm confined to my room. I have a microwave, toaster and a small fridge-but no hot plate or stove top. This makes it incredibly difficult to prepare a meal. I only have the use of my bathroom sink, and so I can't really prepare much either. For now I'm dealing with this in hopes of securing a decent job after the Open and moving a little closer to NYC.

So how about Mr. Goslin. I have to admit, I've only once watched John and Kate plus Eight... but after seeing the story of their rocky marriage EVERYWHERE, I couldn't help but get a little caught up in the drama. I'm completely disguisted by his behavior. I don't understand why it is that when couples split up, the Mom ends up having to step it up for the kids, and the Dad is free to frolic with a new younger model. It doesn't seem fair to me. It isn't just celebraties either. I've dated single dads in the past and it seems like they became more of an Uncle to their kids, only seeing them once in a while and rarely spending any holidays with them. I realize that people need love, but come on! If a man is a willing participant in creating the children, why is it so easy for them to walk away? I just don't understand the psychology of it.

Tomorrow John and I are going to the Natural History Museum in NYC and I'm so excited! On Friday on the subway I was reading the posters and one of them was advertising the Natural History Museum, when I saw it I couldn't help but want to go. I didn't mention anything to John, but when he picked me up at the train station he asked me if I wanted to go to the NHM on Sunday. I was so excited I almost screamed. haha It is awesome how is starting to read my mind... and next weekend we are going to Hershey, PA to see Jason Mraz and Dave Matthews perform! I am soooooooooooo excited! I've been looking forward to this concert for months, but because of my car exploding and others unexpected life costs, I didn't think we'd be going. But John bought the tickets and booked the hotel... so DMB here I come!

Confessions of a fat girl

As I sit here at Weight Watchers having weighed in heavier than last week I am feeling so defeated. I need help. I have a disease. My disease is "Fat". Being fat controls my life. It hides who i am. It protects me and it shames me. I wasn't always fat. I started life as a normal little girl. I learned to use food as comfort. Food was love and acceptance. Food took away my fear and food was there to comfort me whenever I needed it.

And now that food is killing me I realize that I've got to overcome this. Being fat is so unlike any other disease. For a smoker that quits they don't need three cigarettes a day to keep living. Alcoholics can promise to never touch alcohol again but food- food can not be forsaken. When you are so fat and and depressed the last thing you want to do is work out. You feel grossed out by what you've become and defeated by the amount of weight you've got to lose. You're ashamed. You don't want anyone to see. So you join Weight Watchers. You try Internet diets. But you are still fat you feel even worse. Because now you can add another thing to the list of the things you've failed at. I think of being thin. I think of jumping off a bridge. But no where in my mind do i want to gain more weight. It is a lonely disease. A lonely life. You can't shop in normal stories so shopping is no longer fun. You can't fit comfortably in the seats on a plane so even travel stops being fun.

I'm depressed and can't imagine it getting any better.I wish I could be on the Biggest Loser. Maybe if I had some help I could learn to change my life. But I need serious help. I am so convinced that being fat is a disease. It is a psychological, physical and mental disease.

Memo to my Fellow Commuters

To My Fellow Commuters:

Hi. I'll make this quick since we are all in a hurry, well some of us are in a hurry. I commute four hours a day. Yes that is two hours in the morning, two hours in the evening. During this time I have witnessed many things that I would like to call to the attention of those I am sharing the trains, subways and boardwalks with.

Personal hygiene is very important. However, I don't want to smell you in the morning. I don't care how good you think that cheap calogne smells... it makes me sick.

Escalators: my Father taught me many years ago that when riding on an escalator if you would like to stand on the moving staircase stand to the right, if you would like to walk up the escalator you should walk up on the left. I have practiced this theory most of my life. I understand there are many foreigners in NYC and some of them drive on the opposite side of the road... but seriously people-if you are not in a hurry stand to the right. Standing on the left in someone's way is completely annoying. In my long commute every minute counts. If someone is in my way and holds me back even a minute, it is possible that I will miss my train and get home even later.

Be courteous of those in the seats in front of you, putting your feet up on the back of the seat or pushing against it disturbs the person in front of you. It disturbs them in the middle of their back. Not very nice.

I think that is all for now. Thank you for reading.

The end.

P.S. I've been asked to report on the books I'm reading. Currently I am reading The Brother's Karamazov. It is a great book, but it is long. I'll tell more about it later. I did however discover something really cool lately. I am one of those people that reads 1-2 books every week. I have the time frankly so that is why I do it. I have never been good at getting books from the library because by the time I get the book turned back in I usually owe more than the book would have cost to buy. So based on that I've been buying all of the books I've been reading. Well in the hopes of saving some money I've been trying to figure out how to cut back on my book budget. Well I just discovered the greatest website www.swaptree.com! It is so cool. Basically you upload any book, cd, movie that you are willing to trade. Then you can trade your books, cd's and movies with other people and they will send you something that you want to read or listen too. It is free to trade through the site, you only pay to ship your book to other members. John just sent off my first two books this morning so I'll let you know when I get the two books I traded for. I'm really excited about this site though.

I also have to put a plug in for True Blood. The new season starts Sunday on HBO and it is one of the best series on right now. My recommendation should tell you something... I usually hate vampire movies/stories. But this series is awesome! It is based on a series by Charlaine Harris called the Sookie Stackhouse Series. Not only do I recommend True Blood, I highly recommend reading this series. I never read or watched Twilight, but I think anyone that was in to that would like True Blood. The thing you should know about True Blood is that it does get kind of sexy and may not be appropriate for a younger reader, but all of the adults will love it!

Get away from me you Christian Street Preacher! AHHH!

Ok... so it is very ironic to me that I should spend most of my life growing up in SLC, which is known as a very "religious" place and yet I can count on maybe 2 fingers the times that I've been preached at from a street corner. If my memory serves me correctly both of those times were during the 2002 Winter Olympics. One of those times was actually pretty funny. I remember that during the Olympics there were all these "Christians" who came to SLC to warn the world about the dangers of the Mormon church. Why they felt it necessary to do this... is beyond me. Growing up I considered myself a "Christian". My parents taught me that a "Christian" was anyone who believed in Christ and lived the way he taught. Anyway... back to the story.

So on a cold winter's day in the middle of downtown SLC I was yelled at by some "Christian". I stopped this time particularly annoyed. I decided to have a conversation with this guy. I politely asked him what he was doing. He started going on a diatribe of the horrors of the Mormon church. After listening to him for a minute... I stated that I thought he would be a lot more effective if instead of bashing the Mormons, he instead told people the great things his "church" had to to offer. I could see that I'd caught him off guard because he didn't really know what to say. After a long pause... he was back at bashing the Mormon church again. I decided I wasn't going to win his fight so I said... well it is very interesting what you have to say, let me take some of your papers to my friends and family. The man handed me a stack of about 10 papers. I walked down the street a ways and threw them in the garbage. That move made me laugh a little. I have never understood people who only know how to bash... and don't take the time or effort to inform others of their belief, but instead bash those with a strong belief in something.

I find it ironic that now in NYC I am met with annoying, loud-mouth Christians on a daily basis. My boss is one of those "Christians" and has taken it upon himself to "save me". It has gotten to an almost unbearable thing. I don't feel the need to be saved, nor do I think it has anything to do with him. I would complain to HR... but my boss is HR! The other ironic part of it is that my co-worker is a Catholic. My boss bashes Mormons and Catholics... and my co-worker is so eager to please that I get stuck defending the Mormon and Catholic chruches! I get so annoyed with being preached at that I want to push all street preachers down! I know that is extreme but seriously! I once was forced to listen some guy ranting and raving about Jesus on the subway because he decided that was a good place to recite everything he knew about Jesus loud enough for the whole train to hear.

I just can't take it anymore. I love Jesus... I love God. But hey.... I don't really think its appropriate or necessary for me to stand on the corner in everyone's way screaming that they are going to hell if they don't believe in Jesus. Honestly I think the people that are standing on those corners may have a better place in hell than I do because hey... they are holding those damn annoying signs and shouting-I'm 100% positive that hell will be full of that.

Tales from the Commute

Well...well...well. I have had the pleasure of my commute to Queens for about a month now. It is one of the longest parts of my day. All in all I spend about 4 hrs and 40 minutes a day on public transportation. I feel as if I'm somehow becoming an expert at this commuting business. So I decided that I'm going to try and write more about my experiences because believe me... I see some very entertaining things!

To start with I'll share with you my morning commute. I'm going to leave some details out because I don't really want a scary person to read this and know my every move.

I start my day out at 5:30 a.m. For my readers in Utah... that is 3:30! Yep... about the time you're getting home from your wild night at the club... I'm waking up. This is probably the hardest part for me because I really have a hard time getting to bed before midnight. You do the math. Now depending on my ability to get my butt out of bed depends on my transportation to the train station. A couple months ago my fabulous boyfriend bought me an adorable little bike. I love my bike so much! It is a beautiful red and white vintage style Schwinn cruiser. On mornings where I'm ready to leave the house early I am able to ride my bike to the train station. But lets be honest... now that the excitement of my job has worn off a little... I'm staying longer and longer in bed and am barely pulling in to the station before the train takes off!

I have the first part of my commute down pact. I know exactly where I need to stand in order to be right at the entrance to the train. This fact always makes me smile. I can't help but watch the other commuters with a little social curiosity. Most of them run to the front of the train in hopes of getting a seat. I wait near the back and walk on easily. Its funny how years of "running to the front cause no one is there" has trained everyone to go to the front and to leave the rest of the train almost empty. I don't plan on telling them this any time soon.

Once arriving at Secaucus (yes it is pronounced SEA-COCK-US) I'll wait for the laugh... ok anyway... this is where it starts to get really funny for me. At the Secaucus station (still laughing?) there tends to be this huge blob of people all fighting their way to get on this escalator. However, I made a discovery within the first week that if I stray from the crowd... I have my own private escalator just around a corner from the blob. In fact.. the blob watches me go down the escalator but because they are very silly... they don't realize that they can save themselves from the blob by joining me on my private escalator. This makes me laugh every day. I have this funny feeling like I've outsmarted all of the blob. It is a great start to my day.

It never ceases to amaze me how rude people will be on public transportation. People spread out and occupy three seats just because they don't want anyone to sit by them. As you can imagine the train going in to NYC is quite full... so I am forced to push my way on to the train and almost demand that someone move their bag off of a seat so that I may sit. This train is quick in to Penn Station.

From Penn I begin my subway fun. The subway is an incredible source of entertainment. I have seen things such as 8' tall Asians... cross dressing men, a woman with a huge doll in a stroller and a half naked homeless man with his bum sticking out. Luckily I'm able to drowned out the ranting "Christians" and the lunatics with the sweet music of my ipod, but I can't cover the smell or do anything about the insanity in front of me. I take my ride all the way out to Queens.

The ride to Queens is very ethnic. I'm usually the only white woman on the train and I am able to get a glimpse at what it would be like to visit China, India and Mexico. Hopefully on my way to Queens I don't contract the Swine flu... but if I do you'll understand why.

All in all I don't mind my commute. I've been able to read about 2 books a week and really get to listen to my ipod. I'm definitely amused with the commute thus far and I plan on making more posts about it as well as bringing in some pictures to the mix.

The worst part of it all is the pushing and shoving and the damn people that stand on the left side of the escalator instead of walk. I actually had my first push just the other day and I quickly found the New Yorker inside of me and told the guy off. I have to admit I was a little surprised at myself... but the guy was an ass and deserved to be told off.

Until next time happy commuting. What are your commuting nightmares?

There is no place like home!

I flew in to Salt Lake on Thursday night to surprise my family. I couldn't wait to see the baby... and it was the only weekend I would possibly be able to fly out there until after the US Open. I told my sister, Angie that I was going to be flying in because she was my ride. Angie and Abbey picked me up and we subsequently surprised Heather and her husband, Jason and then my parents. I got the best reaction out of my parents, because well I think they love me the most. I love surprises and had so much fun sneaking in on them.

My best surprise was my beautiful niece Audrey Faye! I love her so much. I can't believe the way it feels to be an Aunt. It is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I couldn't really take my eyes off of her and spent most of my time holding her. I was able to see Heidi and Hiba very briefly-but I was so happy that we were able to meet up before they went to Denver. I was able to sneak in a haircut with my favorite stylist-Christeena. I seriously love the way she cuts my hair and I really miss her. Jason and I had some good laughs and then I popped in on Lexi's bridal shower and then Allison, Tina, Scott and I had dinner on Saturday night, but mostly it was family time.

I know it is hard for some people to understand. But when you live away from home and then you go home for a visit it can be VERY stressful. In my short time period of being home there were SO many people that I wanted to see... and even more people that I didn't get a chance to see. :( It is so hard to spread yourself around-especially when you are exhausted. I am so sad that I didn't get to see Julia and Shannon and Chris, and Deanna and Christian and Nicole and Jason! I also have so many cousins that I didn't get to see. I'm sorry! Already since I've lived in NJ I've been home more than I ever went home when I lived out here the first time.

I get homesick. I get really sad sometimes. While I've made some good friends out here, they don't know me as well as the friends I've had for years. They don't get my jokes, they don't like jokes about trees and they don't laugh when I cheat at pool.

In other news... I am loving my job! It is so much fun and not an hour of my day goes by in which I feel the need to distract myself with Internet surfing-which says A LOT! I've already made some new friends at the company and my team is great! being in HR I've also learned the ins and outs of writing resumes that will get noticed. The best advice I can give you-Write a cover letter! I know you've heard that a million times, but it is really the best way to brag about your skills and convince the person that is hiring to call you. Don't be boring in your cover letter. Be professional but be yourself. I think it is really hard to write a good cover letter. If anyone wants me to look at their resume or cover letter I'd be happy to do so. I don't claim to be an expert, but I'm in the "hiring" side of things and may be able to offer some pointers. Just let me know.

I think that is about it. It is really starting to be so beautiful here. I love the leaves turning green and all the flowers coming out. It is so nice to ride my bike on the way to the train in the morning and watch spring come alive.

Oh one more thing! I've absolutely gone crazy in the beading side of life. I have been making necklaces and bracelets and earrings, and I am having so much fun! So far I've only given them as gifts, but John is really trying to convince me to sell some. I hope to do that at one point, but for now I love them too much to part with them. :)

A STAR is born!

This morning at around 5:10 am in Salt Lake City, UT my niece, Audrey Faye was born! I am so excited. I can't believe how good it feels to be an Auntee. I haven't even seen a picture yet but I already feel so much love for this little girl. This is the first grand baby for our family and we are all so excited. Thanks to Lisa and Ben for giving me my very favorite title, Aunt Jessica! I don't think I have ever been called anything better.

I'm so glad I have the day off to be able to do a little shopping for this little one. I better get busy... she needs her Mets gear! :) I will put up a picture as soon as I get one. Its a miracle that she and mom are doing well. She is about 3 weeks early... I guess she just couldn't wait to be here!

Wow I am so overwhelmed and so in love! :) Yay for babies. The best part... I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and change her diaper. But I probably wouldn't mind. Geesh, I'm really turning in to one of those crazy Aunts.

So much to say

I haven't blogged in a while.. which is pretty ironic seeing as how I've had loads of free time. I don't really have any excuse accept that I haven't felt much like myself... and didn't really want everyone to know that. The past several days have been full of sunshine which has been the best medicine I could have possibly hoped for. I'm feeling better about life and even optimistic. So its been about a month since I started interviewing with the U.S. Tennis Association. They have definitely taken their time in choosing someone for the recruiting position. Finally I got a phone call last week telling me that I was in the running and even at the top of their list. But yet I again I was told to wait. Yesterday I got an email asking for my earliest availability. I finally think I may have a job. They will be making their final decision on Friday... so I'll know then. If I don't get this job I may go postal. I like working and I really need money.

I need money cause I found this pretty new bike that I want. It is vintage looking red and white, and you know I'll be getting a basket and a dog carrier for when Abbey comes back to me! I am so excited about getting a cute little bike.

Now I have something a bit more serious to discuss. I do have to warn that the things I'm about to say may offend some people. In fact they may indeed offend some of my readers. My intent here is not to offend... but I am warning you that you may be offended if you keep reading. There that bit of housekeeping is taken care of... here we go!

Immigration. This is an issue near and dear to my heart. My family immigrated to the United States over 100 years ago. They came here from Sweden, Ireland, England and other Scandinavian countries. Some of them came legally... others came illegally. However, once they arrived in the U.S.A. they learned the native language (if they didn't already speak it) and they got jobs and did their best to assimilate in to the American "culture". My boyfriend, John's family came from Italy. They came not too long ago and were met with great hardships. They were treated cruelly by some because of their Italian heritage and had difficulty finding work. They however worked hard, learned English and started their own businesses and became part of the American culture. In fact... they assimilated so well that my boyfriend, who is 1st generation doesn't even speak Italian! (which I think is a shame)

So here it is.. 2009. My family only speaks English, John's family only speaks English, because well after all English is the language spoken in the USA and that is where I live. So can someone tell me why it is that when I want to apply to a job (almost any job) it is necessary that I am bi-lingual in Spanish? I am in no way saying that the illegal immigrants are taking jobs away from me. They are not. I would not work in the positions they fill. I am however growing increasingly annoyed that I am forced to learn a language of someone who for the most part makes no effort to learn the language of my country.

I get it. I have studied abroad. When you arrive in a place where you don't speak the language it can be scary. It can be downright terrifying. But... with minimal effort you can begin to learn the language. Yet... when that country caters to you and translates everything in to your native language. Hires only those who can speak to you in your native language and even devotes entire television stations to your native language... where is the incentive? There is none. It has become unnecessary to learn English to live in America. Its not just spanish either. There are complete villages by me in which signs are posted in Chinese and English.

For those of you that know me this may all come as a surprise. I love diversity. I celebrate differences. I love different cultures and I love learning from those with different back grounds. But in my job search, I have become increasingly annoyed by the special treatment given to those who refuse to even attempt to learn English. I know right now off the top of my head many people who have come to America from ALL parts of the world. Some of these people have come here without knowing any English, others came here knowing a little. It amazes me how some of them have struggled and taken classes and practiced and learned English... while others who ignorantly hold themselves back by choosing to not learn English. I am willing to take in to account that languages don't come easy to everyone. But I refuse to believe that you could want to live or feel comfortable living in a country for over ten years without learning to express yourself in their language!

I would like to note that I believe it is important to speak more than one language. For years now children all over Europe have learned English and French as second languages. I think those who are bi-lingual have an advantage in life. I'm just saying that I'm tired of people coming to this country and not even trying to be part of it. Hell we need them. We need their different life histories. We need their experience and knowledge. They are the part of the melting pot that is so beautiful. So buck up and learn English. Seriously!

Big Temple Wedding

I was surprised to see this secret on Post Secret this week.
 
My Mormon Mother was too busy crying

Because I wasn't getting married in the temple

to help me get ready on my wedding day.

I wish I could upload the picture of this secret but I am momentarily handicap. If you would like to see it please go to www.postsecret.com


Not surprised by the secret at all... but surprised at how it seems to fit me right now. I'm packing my bags now to go to Salt Lake for the wedding of my little sister. She is great. I love her. But I'm so bummed that I won't be able to see her wedding. Don't get me wrong... I couldn't be more proud of her. This is what she wants. I completely support her decision to get married in the temple. I'm just heart broken that I won't be able to see the wedding. 

Today it was brought to my attention that my parents are concerned at the things I may say while waiting outside of the temple for my sister and her new husband to turn up. The things I could say:

"Wow. Family huh? Nice families are together... when I'm outside at my own sister's wedding".
"This sucks. I flew 2,000 miles to see my sister's wedding... and I'm left standing outside".
"Stupid wedding anyway".
"Those jerks never accepted me anyway".
"Saddest day of my life is my sister's happiest".
"I wonder what they are doing in there... I hope they all come out alive".
"Anyone want a breathmint"?
"Did you see the last Big Love episode"?
"I wonder how many wives Heather's husband will marry". (By the way... Mormons don't really take on plural wives anymore... but there are real live polygamist in Utah.)

The list could go on. But instead what I'll probably say:
"Wow. I can't believe that my baby sister is getting married. I really wish I could see the wedding. But I know she will be happy and I'm proud of her for how far she has come". 

I am a little insulted that my parents would even think that I would handle the difficult situation with anything less than pure class. This battle between me and "The Church" has been going on for a long time... and I'm sure it will continue for many years from now. So I guess this will be one of the first big tests.  My whole life I have felt that my parents loved their religion more than they love me. They never asked me how my life was going or what I was interested in. The always asked me if I was attending church or if I was praying or reading my scriptures. This hurt. Hurt me so much that I am still dealing with my issues from it. I knew my place in their lives: Church, then Jessica. I truly hope that one day when I have children I will be more kind to them.

After discussing my feelings with my Father, he gave me the predicted response, "Well Jessica, you know how it works. You could have been there if you wanted too."

All I can say is, "WOW". Wish me luck. I'm seriously going to need it dodging the, "Why aren't you married yet, you old maid" and "How do you like your ward on the east coast" type of questions. All of this without an ounce of alcohol! I deserve a medal.